


Ocean Eyes

by amanori



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations
Genre: Accidental Confession, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, First Crush, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One-Sided Attraction, Panic Attacks, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23103223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amanori/pseuds/amanori
Summary: It all started with three words before this. Three stupid, little words that lead into this situation.(A situation Shikadai would rather be away from.)“Why do you like me?”It seems like forever before words come out of his mouth to respond to that. Shikadai shrugs slowly amidst the roaring in his ears. “I don’t know.”(But that was a lie.)Or the one where Shikadai accidentally confesses and then solves it by running away.
Relationships: Nara Shikadai/Uzumaki Boruto
Comments: 30
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

It all started with three words before this. Three stupid, little words that lead into this situation.

(A situation Shikadai would rather be away from.)

“Why do you like me?”

It seems like forever before words come out of his mouth to respond to that. Shikadai shrugs slowly amidst the roaring in his ears. “I don’t know.”

(But that was a lie.)

Boruto's face is openly curious. It wasn’t judging. No eye twitching in veiled disgust. No inching away from him. Shikadai isn’t sure if he would rather Boruto’s expression _be_ judging. Be cruel. Except, it wasn't in Boruto to judge other people. In Shikadai's eyes, Boruto was _too_ forgiving. He easily forgave someone when they went against him. He would even welcome the person who did the very next day with open arms, full of forgiveness.

It annoyed Shikadai to no end, but that was Boruto. (And he wouldn’t change him for the world.)

Shikadai knows all this and yet, he can't help but worry.

He sees how Boruto looks at Sarada when no one is looking. He knows what that look means. Shikadai knows because he's Boruto's best friend and frankly, he’s not blind. Everyone around them could see how those two were tilting towards each other like a sunflower did to the sun. He can't help, but swallow the ugly bitterness that rises whenever he catches sight of the two of them walking together. (Which wasn't easy considering they were on the same team.) Thing is he likes Sarada too. Except . . . as a friend. She's cool. He has no qualms against her. She has not once been untrustworthy. She’s true and strong. Courageous. A true kunoichi.

And if those two got together, he would be happy for them.

Truly happy.

Even if it would break him in the process.

Shikadai wishes he could take back those three stupid words. He doesn’t want Boruto to hate him for making things so awkward and it’s such an irrational fear that really makes no sense. And yet . . . 

He’s terrified.

He knows Boruto is not going to ignore the unintended confession. It wasn't his way. It was already out in the open. Even if it had been said on accident due to his tiredness, due to his inability to hold his tongue, that didn’t matter. And with that in mind, Shikadai tries to keep his face blank. Tries to remain calm and aloof. But the tightening in his chest that was steadily growing was only making things more difficult.

Boruto’s expression quickly shifts from curiosity to flustered at his answer and something else that flashes by too quick for Shikadai to analyze.

(And he hates that it already feels like a wall is suddenly being built.)

Boruto looks away, chewing on his lip nervously. “I-I-I see.”

And so here they are sitting on the roof of a game arcade in the middle of the night with the night sky above them filled with so many stars that Shikadai’s brain screams at him at how romantic it is. The calm, joking atmosphere of before is gone. And it’s in these quiet moments, he’s reminded why he shouldn’t have said what he did. Especially with the way Boruto is plainly looking away from him when earlier Boruto had been laughing with him and now was so utterly . . . quiet. Shikadai can only feel more and more uneasy. And after a minute of silence, Shikadai feels like he’s ruined things between them. His chest feels unbearably tight at the thought.

He looks at the night sky to try to calm down and he wishes he could turn back time. It was no use though. There was no such thing like time travel. Not that he knew of anyway. He gives up staring at the sky and turns his gaze to Boruto to try gauge how he’s feeling. 

He can't help it that he wants to know how Boruto is taking it. Because a part of him can’t stand the thought of Boruto hating him or being remotely uncomfortable with him. He wouldn’t know what to do if their friendship became strained because of his stupidity. Shikadai had hated it the other time during the chunin exams and if he could help and avoid that then he’s going to try his damn best.

And as he’s staring at Boruto, he notices that Boruto's eyes are bright even at night. They remind him of the watercolors Inojin picked up on their last mission.

A vibrant, beautiful blue.

The color of the ocean.

_Just like the ocean_ , he muses.

He looks away, feeling his face become inexplicably warm. He scolds himself for getting distracted again. That was what got him into this predicament in the first place. But he can’t help himself and takes the opportunity of Boruto looking away to stare at him again. 

Boruto has grown older. _Of course he has_ , Shikadai chides himself. They were both almost close to turning sixteen. 3 years already accustomed to their own teams. Voices slowly changed along with a whole new array of jutsus learnt. Scars littered all over their bodies. Boruto even has a scar over his eye now.

It had been the most stressful thing Shikadai had ever witnessed if he had to be honest.

It even topped that mission he undertook a year back where he thought he was going to die. Where he thought Inojin was going to drown. Enemy’s hand sparkling with lighting and nearing closer and closer. It still made him tense coming near sparks. It was even worse for Inojin who was still getting over his phobia of water. Little by little, they were forgetting that mission.

But seeing Boruto get struck down right before him during their team’s joint mission cut more than half his life. Hearing Boruto’s pained cry had clenched his heart and tore it apart.

He never wants to experience something like that ever again.

(And yet, with the way his heart is beating right now, with fear and trepidation, is only reminding him of how similar it felt to that time.)

Boruto shifts slightly and he’s finally opening his mouth to say something. His gaze still looking forward and not at him. And that- that makes Shikadai nervous.

“Shikadai . . . I don—” 

He feels nauseous all of the sudden and something clenches Shikadai’s heart even tighter than before. And he decides that no. Maybe he doesn’t want his heart broken right this moment.

“You don't have to give me an answer,” Shikadai says, standing up slowly. He pats down his pants in an effort to look busy. “I gotta leave now. I didn't tell you before, but I have a mission again. The others must be waiting for me.”

Shikadai congratulates himself for keeping his voice from shaking even if his words had been unnecessarily clipped. He really wants to throw up the burger he just ate.

Boruto jerks his head towards him stunned. He tries to stand up and it seems like he’s forgotten about his food like Shikadai has. Because Boruto fumbles with the dropped burger on his lap. And seeing the food lying there forgotten makes him guilty because Boruto who loves burgers, who practically inhales them, forgot his food because of **_him_**. He knew how excited Boruto had been to finally eat that specialty burger after having waited for so long. 

“Huh? Uh, okay!” Boruto moves his burger to his side clumsily. He ducks his head down and says softly, “We-We’ll talk l-later, right?”

Shikadai hesitates before nodding. “Y-Yeah.”

“G-Good luck on your mission. It must be urgent if you’re leaving right now,” Boruto says beginning to look concerned. “Especially since . . . you just got back after being a month gone. I-I was looking forward to spending more time. With . . . you.”

Boruto’s voice trails. And once again, Shikadai is ridden with guilt.

It's a lie. The mission was for next week. Shikadai would have to convince Inojin to let them start going as soon as he finds him. Except forcing the issue to leave would make Inojin and Cho-Cho immediately know something was wrong. And the last thing he wants are for his feelings for Boruto to be out in the open for everyone else to see. Especially to Cho-Cho who is friends with Sarada. He can already imagine the pitying look that would appear on her face.

Because even he knows he never had a chance with Boruto.

“See you later then?” Boruto asks. His voice seems unbearably small.

Shikadai nods again and the nausea and guilt is so overwhelming that it’s a miracle he somehow manages not to outright run off. He manages to throw a lazy wave goodbye. Mimicking his father's down to a tee.

_I feel sick_ , he thinks. _This isn’t good._

Shikadai jumps off the rooftop feeling like he ran a marathon. He winces as the pain in his stomach grows. The adrenaline of accidentally confessing hadn’t waned off. He still feels his heart pumping faster and faster like a scared deer. And once he feels like he’s far enough from the roof where everything had irreparably gone wrong, he leans against the wall of an empty alley.

“Calm down, calm down,” Shikadai says sinking down to the floor. His hands are shaking too much for his liking. He had never known himself to tremble and yet here he was, shaking like a leaf.

He hadn’t meant to say it like he did. He knows Boruto does not feel the same way. That Boruto doesn’t even like boys. He would know. He would _definitely_ know. They grew up together after all. He tries to take deep breaths. It had gotten so much harder to breathe that it was ridiculous. _Count to three_ , he thinks quickly. But even thinking feels like an arduous task. His mind feels muddled.

Boruto’s surprised face flashes into his mind. How his eyes had widened slowly as he realized that Shikadai had confessed. The fact that he had meant it 100 percent and had not been kidding.

Not as an offhand comment.

That it wasn’t a joke, but an actual confession.

_Fuck, am I so easy to read that he knew I meant it?_

He buries his face into his hands. He feels like screaming. “Yeah, that could’ve gone better.”

“What could’ve gone better?”

“Aah!” Shikadai screams, falling onto his butt. His training kicks in immediately as he brings his hands into the beginning of a defensive jutsu.

“Shikadai, don’t scream so loudly,” Mitsuki says managing to sound a little miffed. “What are you doing?”

Shikadai stills his hands with great difficulty and stands up on his wobbly legs. He stuffs his hands into his pockets; pulling them into fists to force them to stay still. _Why can’t they stay still? Dammit._ He hadn't expected to run into one of Boruto’s teammates so soon after leaving Boruto. It certainly doesn’t help with calming his poor heart. Mitsuki looks at him questionably while holding onto a convenience bag. Shikadai resists the urge to shrink into himself. Mitsuki would question him bluntly if he saw any kind of weakness.

Anything that spiked his curiosity really.

“Sorry, I was uh,” Shikadai tries to rattle his brain for an excuse. Any excuse. He doesn't want his trembling to reach Boruto. The fact that he was even shaking was so unlike himself that even he was worried.

Mitsuki eyes him strangely. Shikadai’s chest still feels tight despite trying to calm down. _What’s wrong with me?_ The lightheaded feeling was only increasing. It felt like he was going to pass out at any moment. _This isn’t good. Not good at all._

“You don’t look so good.” Mitsuki frowns, looking at him again. “Should I go get help?”

Shikadai shakes his head rapidly. “No, no.”

He leans against the wall and tries to look nonchalant. _Everything is okay_ , he chants repeatedly in his head.

No, it’s not. It’s really not.

“What are you doing up so late?” He asks diverting the conversation away from himself whilst trying not to sound breathless.

Mitsuki steps closer. “You look pale. You’re not even breathing properly. Shikadai, are you sure you’re okay? Are you going to pass out? Something is wrong with you.”

Shikadai was used to bluntness. Inojin tended not to cut back as often. Except it was usually Inojin asking the questions not Mitsuki and Shikadai knew how to maneuver _that_ conversation. Shikadai tries to not show his unease, tries to not press himself further against the alley wall.

“I’m fine,” he grits out forcibly. “Can you not get so close to me?”

Mitsuki thankfully backs off. It makes Shikadai glad that Mitsuki was getting better at learning personal space. Though there were still times where he popped up without notice. He suspects Mitsuki finds amusement in seeing their surprised faces. Denki tended to yell every time even after all these years despite to the annoyance of Iwabe. 

Mitsuki swings his bag forward, the contents inside rattle. “I have candy for Konohamaru sensei." Mitsuki tilts his head in thought. "We’re doing another late night team building activity. I'm not sure what about, but Boruto and Sarada are going to be there. Do you want to join?”

Shikadai shakes his head. “No, I’m fine.”

Besides, he didn’t want to be around Boruto after that disastrous confession. 

(Could he even call it a confession?)

Mitsuki frowns before opening his mouth. "Are you su--?"

“I have to go, but have fun with your team activity!” Shikadai interjects before Mitsuki can get another word in. He waves lazily, except it’s stiff. He resists the urge to wince at how utterly fake his act is.

Shikadai turns to leave, but not before catching Mitsuki's questioning stare. Shikadai forces himself to smile as Mitsuki finally goes on his way. _Way to go Shikadai_ , he brain says. _Totally convinced him you weren't acting unusual_. Shikadai clenches his fists as he walks towards Inojin’s house. _We need to leave now for the mission. I don't think I'll be able to stand a week of trying to avoid Boruto and acting normal_. _He knows I meant it. Why am I so stupid?_ He grips his hair anxiously.

The panic should’ve been over, but Mitsuki’s words keep repeating in his head like a mantra and he finds it more and more difficult to stay calm.

‘ ** _I’m meeting up with Boruto and Sarada today._** ’

_He’s going to tell Boruto._

He stumbles and falls onto his knees. He registers the pain of a rock digging into his knee, but his mind is too busy tumbling with fear at the possibility of Boruto finding out. He doesn’t want to make things even more awkward between them. 

_Boruto’s going to know about my breakdown after seeing him. He’s going to feel bad_.

He doesn’t want that. Boruto was going to think that it was _his_ fault that Shikadai wasn’t feeling well and then he was going to try to fix it in true Uzumaki fashion. But there was **nothing** to fix when Shikadai was the one with the stupid feelings. The one who couldn’t keep his mouth shut. Even if Shikadai had entertained the thought of confessing. He never would have done it.

_Well, look at us now_ , his mind treacherously says.

“Shikadai? What are you doing here?”

He can barely hear any words with the roaring in his ears. He tries to breathe and finds out that he can’t.

“Hey, yo! Shikadai? Shikadai! Calm down!”

_What’s going on? Why am I like this?_

There’s hands on him shaking him. He grasps his throat. And then it finally clicks.

_Doofus, you’re having a panic attack_.

“Crap, I don’t think he’s breathing. Hey, hey, Shikadai! Calm down! Calm down!”

_Who is that?_ Shikadai can’t place the voice, but it sounds familiar. The chakra swirling with anxiety and a touch of fear feels familiar. It's enough to ground him for a moment even if brief.

“Who?” He rasps once he manages to calm down enough to even attempt to speak. He counts to three over and over until he feels like he can breathe again.

“It’s me, Inojin!”

Shikadai slumps down relieved. If he could trust someone to have his back during times of panic, it would be his team.

“Shikadai?! What’s going on? Were you attacked?” Inojin’s hands flutter around him uselessly.

His lungs ache as he coughs weakly. He felt like he had been dying. _Again_. His chest aches painfully. The ringing in his ears was finally subsiding slowly.

_I’m okay. I’m okay. Calm down._

He grips the gravel and focuses on the pain in his hands. Tries to ignore the unshed tears in his eyes.

_Calm down._

_You’re okay._

“Shikadai?”

Shikadai takes deep, even breaths. This was starting to feel more like a post mission freak-out than anything else which was fucking great. Just great to think that accidentally confession was equivalent to an S-rank mission gone wrong.

Fuck.

“I’m fine,” Shikadai says.

Nope, not really. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!! Sorry in advance for any spelling and grammar mistakes!! I tried hard to catch them all >< I really love this ship a lot and I finally decided to post this. There's just something about childhood friends that I love!
> 
> This story has been in drafts for so many years. I started writing this along with another story since 2017 ;; but life happened and I stopped writing for a bit. TT-TT But I never forgot it and so I fixed it up on and off, but yeah! I finally gathered enough courage and posted it!! I have a lot more ideas so I hope to post more stories about this ship in between updating this story. [!!!] I have a story planned for Boruto's birthday so that's gonna be out, hopefully, on that day. :D
> 
> (I also wanna post the other one I wrote alongside this one, but that one is proving to be a lot longer than planned so I'm not going to anytime soon because I wanna make it perfect!! its an arranged marriage au and I'm really excited about it!)
> 
> Anyway!!!- I hope to update at the very least monthly or something along those lines!! Truthfully, I edited this chapter and I ended up adding so much that it ended up doubled it in size;;;; Ah!! But I promise I will finish this story!! Anyway, thank you for any lovely comments and kudos! I really appreciate them!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading once again!!! See you in the next chapter!! ᕙ( * •̀ ᗜ •́ * )ᕗ


	2. Chapter 2

If he thought leaving the village was going to solve things then he was an absolute fool. 

It was a lucky chance that Inojin had been named Captain for the first time ever. Moegi sensei had announced it to them before she told them to go on a quick break back when they first arrived at the village. She had her own mission that she couldn’t reject so she wouldn’t be able to be with them. But had told them in full confidence that they were ready to take on another S-rank mission on their own.

Shikadai wasn’t too sure of that. The last two times had been a disaster. 

_They_ had almost died. 

_Boruto_ had almost died. 

Still, it wasn’t like Moegi sensei could be with them all the time. He understood with the tense looks between his mom and dad that things were going to get busy in the next couple of months.

Shikadai just hopes it wasn’t a war.

He knows how hard his mom and dad fought for the great ninja war to end. That they had lost friends along the way. 

And so yeah, he just hopes that this is all just rumors and talk.

They had left Konohagakure as soon as he talked Inojin into leaving after calming down enough. Cho-Cho had been difficult to convince at first. Shikadai understood why. They had barely been in the village for half a day and already he was making them leave. In the end, she agreed, reasoning that the quicker they finished the mission the longer they could stay at home afterwards. They were lucky that they didn’t have to prepare as much considering they hadn't even unpacked from the last mission.

Of course leaving practically in the middle of the night wasn’t exactly ideal, but considering the sensitivity of their mission that was the best possible outcome. No one would know exactly when they left.

Of course, leaving the village wouldn’t magically fix things. It wasn’t as if he was deleting his whole presence from the village. It definitely wasn’t going to make Boruto forget what he said. Shikadai hoped that since he was out of the danger of running into him that he was going to be calmer.

Not true at all.

Even being around Inojin and Cho-Cho’s familiar presence wasn’t enough to calm him. 

And so now they were in the woods with a tent set up because rain had fallen as soon as they had left in the early morning. Inojin had flinched when the first drop landed on the ground. So it became imperative for Shikadai to take control and order them to set up a tent. Inojin had followed orders immediately with Cho-Cho glancing worriedly as she helped set up the tent.

Shikadai felt guilt eat him away. If he hadn’t been in such a haste, he could’ve avoided Inojin remembering the last time he had been involved in water. He knew things were still not okay for Inojin concerning water. And that guilt intensified when Inojin had gone inside his tent with a blank look on his face. Shikadai could only hope that it wouldn’t take hours for his usual snarky self to come back.

Shikadai hadn’t even bothered going inside the tent. He had just sat underneath a tree while Cho-Cho and Inojin shared. He could nap just fine outside and he did even if it had been for a little while. Now that he was awake again, all he could think about was about last night.

_You’re an idiot_.

Groaning, Shikadai moves his shoulders to alleviate the stress. He listens to the quiet pitter-patter of the water dripping from the leaves. He's glad the rain is gone now.

It was lucky he didn't get wet when he had been napping and had been provided much cover underneath the large tree. Normally the sounds of nature would calm him. Especially after always taking an hour's time of being with the deer in the Nara forest, it had been something that he actively partook in whenever he had the chance. He misses those quiet moments. Usually, the sound of leaves rustling would leave him with a sense of ease.

Instead, he feels restless.

_Boruto_.

Shikadai can’t help, but recall Boruto’s face. His eyes. So bright that he got so captivated he just had to run his mouth off. If he could help it, he didn’t want those eyes to look at him awkwardly. Shikadai had already resolved himself, long ago once he became aware of them, to get rid of those pesky feelings of love.

_I can’t believe I told him that way_. He buries his face into his knees. _Why did I tell him to not give me an answer? I should’ve just gotten the rejection over with and out of the way_.

There was no way Boruto was going to say yes. He liked Sarada. Everybody knew that. It was just that those two were dancing around the topic for so many years now. Cho-Cho was practically counting the days until they got together.

Boruto liked Sumire too. _Maybe you do have a chance_.

_No_ , he shakes that thought away. _No, there is no way_.

They had grown up together. They had play-dates as kids. There was no way Boruto would **_ever_ ** have romantic feelings for him.

_But that’s not an excuse. Because you developed those feelings for him anyway_ , his mind adds.

“Are you okay?”

Shikadai slowly raises his head. He masks his frustration with an easy smile. “Oh, Inojin. Sorry, yeah I’m fine.”

He wants to ask if Inojin is okay. Usually after it rained, Inojin wouldn’t speak for hours with hands twitching softly whenever a drop of water could be heard. Shikadai wants to ask, but he knows with how Inojin had yelled at him last time that it would only hurt him. 

**_I’m not some weakling!_ **

He resorts to digging down that instinct and just repeats. “I’m fine.”

His tiredness must show on his face because Inojin kneels down. His concern dots his face.

“Are you sure? Are you still feeling sick? Or is this still about your cousin?”

Right, his cousin. Shikadai could only come up with the excuse that he had gotten word that his cousin had gotten gravely injured and that had been the reason for his distress last night.

Of course, that was far from the truth.

He would have to contact Shinki and convince him to lie for him. They were close enough now, through communicating by email and letters, that there was a fifty-fifty chance that Shinki would even go along with it. Though, if he knew that it was because of Boruto that Shikadai was even lying then he was pretty sure that Shinki wouldn't even help. Despite the general acceptance that Shinki has about Boruto, Shikadai knows it’s tenuous at best.

“Yeah,” Shikadai lies. “Yeah, that’s it.”

“I had no idea you and your cousin were so close to each other,” Inojin says curiously. “You rarely mention him.”

Shikadai grimaces. “It’s because we’ve been busy. Also, he never comes up in conversations that often. It’s not like we communicate daily anyways since we’ve been too busy with missions.”

Inojin nods, accepting that statement. They both look over when the door flaps to the tent rustle. Cho-Cho comes out of the tent yawning with a yellow comb in her hand. Shikadai is glad she took the time to have a quick nap. Even if it had been an hour. Her usually kept hair is tangled from her nap and Shikadai knows this was going to be one of those days where she takes her time doing her morning ritual. Cho-Cho always said beauty was something one had to continuously work on, which is why she was always carrying combs and other unnecessary junk as Inojin would call it. He admires that confidence even if he doesn’t get why she needs like fifty different beauty products. 

Even when that guy at the academy had trouble confessing (and it turned out it wasn’t even directed towards Cho-Cho), she had dealt with it with grace if one could even call it that. Now if only he had done that with his own stupid, mistaken, unintended confession then that would have been great.

But no, Shikadai was stupid. He was sure he was stupid. Where the hell were his Nara brains? Did having a crush make all his rationality go away somewhere? He feels like digging himself into a hole from the embarrassment of it all. Who the hell has a panic attack over this?

Apparently, he did. 

(But it wasn’t stupid because confessing was scary even thinking about, let alone doing it.)

“Shikadai,” Cho-Cho looks at him surprised. “I thought you would’ve gotten more wet than that. Did you have a nice nap too?”

Shikadai smiles, strained. “Yeah.”

Shikadai stands up and stretches his arms. “I’m going to refill my canteen. Is that okay?’

Inojin and Cho-Cho nod.

He heads towards the river deep in the forest feeling both his teammate’s gazes on him heavy on his back as he leaves. He had given them quite a scare yesterday with how unlike himself he had been. He didn’t like having to lie to his team. Good teamwork relied on trusting each other completely.

If he told them that he had confessed to Boruto . . . well, he doesn’t feel like he can deal with the fallout.

Cho-Cho had on a number of occasions stated that she supports the evolving love of Sarada and Boruto. Albeit, she was a little frustrated by their slow progress. Though, she had also expressed, offhandedly, her support to Sumire as well.

(Shikadai was still a little confused with both Sumire and Sarada being involved in a weird love triangle with Boruto.)

Inojin. Well, Inojin didn’t really care about stuff like dating. At least not that Shikadai was aware of. He figures that so long as no one bothers Inojin with PDA he might be fine. Then again, they don’t really talk about stuff like crushes or dating. Unless it was Cho-Cho who never really shut up about it.

If they were both made aware that his feelings towards Boruto was not of an innocent and _platonic_ brotherly love he often displayed towards him then . . . well they would look at him strangely. Everyone knew he was almost like Boruto’s mom. Always keeping him in check from making sure that he had his textbook in class to stopping him from ruining yet another mural. He was the one that Lady Hinata had asked to watch over Boruto. He was responsible for making sure Boruto didn’t get into trouble. (Though his role had mostly been passed onto Boruto’s teammates now.)

_Crap, I must’ve surprised Boruto by spouting that crap at him_.

He groans and rubs his face in frustration. It would’ve been easier if whatever he felt for Boruto _was_ platonic. But he knows it’s not. Not when whenever he sees Boruto he wants to kiss him and hold his hand and listen to him without end. Especially not when whenever he thinks about him he wants to be near him. To make him his. His feelings--just begin to overwhelm him. Still, he’s not sure when he developed such a love.

It was one thing to like a boy. 

And it was another thing to like your best friend from childhood.

He sighs and kneels down by the river. Refilling his canteen with water, he eyes the water flowing.

_Stop thinking about this. It’s no use. Think about the mission._

The mission was just a simple transportation of goods between one place to another. It would take a couple of days to get to the Land of Bears since they were specifically told they were to go on foot instead of using easy transportation. Whether or not they arrived there this week all really depended on the weather and whether they moved fast or not. Of course, Shikadai wondered why it even was an S-rank mission. Delivering something to another place wasn’t really exactly shinobi business unless it was something important.

Or dangerous.

_It’s going to be a while before I see Boruto. He might even be on a mission by the time I get back_.

Shikadai had already sent notice at the village gate, before they left, to his father that he was going to go to Suna instead of going back to Konoha after the mission was completed. In a way to mask his excuse and add credibility to it. (Definitely not running away). _It’s going to be a-okay_ , he tries to reassure himself. Seeing Shinki and his Uncles will be good. It’s been some time since he’s seen them anyway. He was due a visit and it wouldn’t be seen strangely.

Sometimes he wonders what life would’ve been like if the Sand Elders had agreed with his Uncle Gaara about making him a candidate for the next Kage.

_You wouldn’t have met Boruto_.

He heaves another big sigh. Yeah, it's pointless to think about what ifs.

Not like Shikadai would ever trade not meeting Boruto. He would never give that up. Boruto’s presence was too ingrained in his life that he couldn’t imagine a life without him.

Shikadai looks away from the water. He stands up with his canteen refilled and heads back. Shikadai can hear fire crackling as he walks closer to their campsite and sure enough, he sees the prepared fire with Cho-Cho calmly cooking her breakfast and Inojin quietly drawing next to her. Shikadai walks towards them.

“Are those your new inks?”

Inojin shakes his head. His tongue sticks out in concentration. “The ones Dad gave to me were left behind. I forgot to add them to my luggage. Supposedly the ink won’t run off so much in-in water. Definitely better than the cheap accessible inks the Replenishers give us though. Even if they are expensive. I doubt we’ll need them for this mission though, so I’m not too worried.”

“I see,” Shikadai says. _That’s good that Inojin’s dad is trying to help him with the trauma_ , he thinks. He hopes the small act of waterproof ink will help Inojin. Even if it's a little.

Inojin grins happily. “Yeah, I’m excited to test them out next time!”

Shikadai smiles back and sits down. He drinks slowly, helping soothe his parched throat. He feels like fumbling with his shirtsleeves. Except, he’s never done that before. The nerves of just thinking of seeing Boruto again made him want to recoil in fear.

_This is stupid. As soon as you get back, he’s going to apologize even though it’s_ **_not_ ** _his_ **_damn_ ** _fault but_ **_mine_ ** _and reject me._

He rubs his eyes. It was his own stupid fault for thinking there could be more to them when it was fruitless. Except it had been easy to fall for Boruto. Boruto who laughed, smiled, and fought for what he thought was right. He admired that side of him. And Shikadai had noticed because of course he did. He noticed everything about Boruto. In the end . . . . Boruto felt like home. He was a comfortable presence even if he was annoying sometimes. And boy did Boruto tire him out with his antics in the past back when they had still been Academy students.

And yet . . .

Shikadai still loves him.

“Hey, hey, Shikadai. Doesn’t Shinki have that freaky sand?” Cho-Cho says making his thoughts go into a halt. “You know? To protect him.”

“Shinki, yeah. I guess in a way. It’s a bit more complicated than that really.” Shikadai responds, lifting his face up. _Iron sand. That’s what he has hanging from his shoulders_.

As children, Shinki couldn’t control it that well. Now it was like it was a second limb.

Cho-Cho chews thoughtfully. “He’s really tough. I wonder what caved him in.”

“Uh--Yeah, I wonder that too,” Shikadai says hesitantly.

Shikadai looks back down. Shinki hated being seen as weak. If he heard Shikadai was off telling people that he had gotten injured by some stupid reason, he’d probably beat him up. Even if Shikadai was his now proclaimed precious, favorite cousin that probably wouldn’t stop him.

“We should get going,” Shikadai says, standing up. He doesn’t think he can come up with a valid injury that could take Shinki down. Better to try and stop the conversation now. “I want to make it to the next checkpoint before nightfall.”

Both Inojin and Cho-Cho groan.

“C’mon, it’s barely even morning,” Cho-Cho complains as she chews her food.

Inojin looks at him worriedly and halts his drawing.

“You should eat.” Inojin says. “Wouldn’t want you fainting.”

Shikadai hides his grimace as he picks at some of the fish. He chews a bit and by the time they are done, they proceed to take down the tent and pack everything that had been put out.

Thankfully since Inojin had been put as Captain, it meant Shikadai didn’t have to put in as much effort as the leader. If he had to decide what to do for his teammates after the display he showed Inojin, he thinks Inojin’s confidence would’ve been broken. He didn’t do breakdowns. He was supposed to be level-headed like his father, Shikamaru.

They begin to walk with Inojin leading them with a map in hand. The sound around them fills with Cho-Cho talking animatedly with a skip in her step.

Shikadai only hopes that the mission goes well enough that he can go to Suna directly in order to contact Shinki.

_God, I’m going to hate going back to Konohagakure_.

**_“Why do you like me?”_ **

Shikadai groans and covers his face.

“Shikadai? Stop acting silly. Let’s go!” Cho-Cho yells excitedly. “The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can go back home!”

_Yep, definitely not looking forward to it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I really appreciate all the comments and kudos!! It really gives me a lot of joy reading any of the comments you guys leave! 
> 
> I actually made a twitter! I have a curiouscat linked there so if you guys just wanna ask me anything or talk about daiboru/shikaboru or really any other ship since I do like other anime and I have so many other ships too (just that I haven't written about them yet >< )... it's @nori746 ! I also left it linked on my ao3 profile page at the end cause I wasn't sure if I wanted to put it here on this story, but since I announced it lol might as well put it here. 
> 
> Anyway, as far as updates go, it's still somewhat monthly... I'll try to get the next chapter sooner!! Hah hah, something about editing always makes it longer for me since I tend to catch mistakes plot wise. ;; I guess since I had like half of this pre-written a long time ago it was bound to happen since I want it to be perfect for you guys before posting. So I apologize in advance for that. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you guys for reading about this rare pair ;; I wasn't sure if people were going to read, but it really makes me happy seeing your comments and kudos so thank you!
> 
> See you in the next chapter! ;D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh quick note: there's a flashback in this chapter! It happens after the first line break I believe. I do make it obvious though when first going into it and it's also in the past tense so it should make it easier to differentiate. >//< Anyway, that's my first note! Continue on reading :)

Even with Inojin’s birds, it takes them longer than anticipated to get to their mission’s location. After an ink bottle breaks accidentally, they ultimately decide to walk the rest of the way. What should have been a three-day trip on foot ended up turning into four. Although, it wasn’t that bad. It was still exhausting considering they should’ve been having a week’s rest in Konohagakure before embarking on this mission. Shikadai swallows his guilt as they walk in the forest. Using trains was out of the question since they couldn’t let others see where they were going. And it’s finally on the fourth day of walking, just before the day turns into night, that they finally arrive at their location.

“We’re here!” Cho-Cho yells. She grabs her knees as she doubles over trying to get some deep breaths in.

(They had gotten excited once they saw a plume of smoke in the sky and had run. Which might've been a mistake, but at least they were here.)

“Ugh, finally.” Inojin squats on the ground, head hanging low.

“Finally,” Cho-Cho agrees, groaning. “I was wondering when we were going to get here. I’m so tired!”

Shikadai smiles at them. He feels relieved that they still have some energy to complain. He eyes the entrance to the village. The large walls around the village meshed well with the forest giving it the appearance of trees clustered together, Even though it was actually a wall. It really was well hidden. He wonders if it’s another hidden village with how reclusive it is. But nowhere in their mission details did it say they would be working with other shinobi. Inojin takes a moment to wipe off the sweat from his forehead before signaling them to the gate.

Inojin stares up at the closed gate. “I hope they can accommodate us now. I just want to go to sleep.”

Shikadai can only agree. His legs were killing him from all the walking and he really wonders how his father could stand all the walking back when he was younger. His father probably complained if he thought about it more. He was getting used to taking trains as of late. And it wasn’t that long ago since he was just sitting down for a month talking about politics in their last mission.

“Hello!” Inojin yells. He carefully rolls up his map and puts it away inside his pack. “We’ve been summoned by Lady Uria!”

They’re met with silence. 

They glance at each other after a beat and Inojin opens his mouth once more to yell.

“Are you Konohagakure ninja?” A deep voice drifts from across the wooden door.

“Yes!”

They watch as the door opens with a loud creak, mechanisms clanking loudly as it works itself open. Shikadai cringes as the noise grates at his ears. God, he hates loud sounds.

“Good, good, we’ve been waiting,” They are met with the sight of a man with muted blue hair. His clothes are a plain brown much like a servant, but the gold ornaments stitched on the sleeves tell otherwise about his position. “Lady Uria will be so happy to see you’ve arrived. Especially so quickly after she sent the request.”

“Yes,” Inojin says politely. “We came as soon as we were assigned the mission. Especially considering the ranking assigned to it.”

The man nods and motions them inside. They fall in line behind Inojin once he starts walking beside the man. “Thank you. My Lady appreciates that very much. We actually already set aside rooms for you. Considering the severity of this mission, we’re actually pleased you’ve come right away.” 

To say it was a village was an overstatement. There weren’t that many buildings in the first place. Only five buildings scattered about with a yard growing a few crops. There were no signs of weeds showing it was well taken care of. The courtyard that was present was in the middle of a large building that curved into a u shape with the courtyard inside of the empty space.

The man walks leading them towards the larger building. “My name is Toris. You’ll actually be meeting my dear lady there in this building."

Cho-Cho and Shikadai glance around the compound taking in the large columns and bare courtyard. Shikadai half expected the place to be full with people.

But it was just them.

_Strange_ , he thinks.

Toris glances back at them taking in their appearance. "But for right now, you must be tired. You may talk with her after you settle down.”

Toris leads them across the courtyard to another building. It’s much smaller than the other building. He opens the door and motions them inside. The hallway is cool and Shikadai takes note of their path as they start to walk down the hallway for later. He doesn’t want to get lost if things go awry.

He can sense Cho-Cho’s unease as they are led down to the end of the fifth hallway they’ve walked through. He can tell by the stiffness of Inojin’s hands behind his back that he didn’t like this one bit.

Toris stops with a smile and motions to a series of doors. “Here are your rooms. We have set aside three for your use. I will come to collect you later when it is time to meet Lady Uria. Because of that, there is no need to wander around. We wouldn’t want for you to get lost.”

“Thank you so much for your hospitality,” Inojin says tense. “We look forward to meeting Lady Uria and completing the mission. We can easily find our way back.”

“Oh no, no, no,” Toris says worriedly. “What if you get lost?”

Inojin smiles, eyes arching. “We are shinobi. We don’t get lost.”

“I-Ye-I see.” Toris answers flustered. He smiles back, just the same. “Still, it would put me at ease if I were the one to lead you to the meeting place.”

“Very well.” Inojin secedes. “Well, I think it would be best if we take our rest now then.”

“Then until later,” Toris says and he leaves. His footsteps become lighter the further he gets from them.

It's only until they can no longer hear his footsteps that Inojin releases a sigh. Cho-Cho only continues to stare in the direction Toris had left.

“That was certainly something,” Cho-Cho says voice soft. “Certainly not at all suspicious.”

Inojin grimaces. “Well considering it is an S-rank mission . . .”

“Yeah, but our boss in this mission isn’t supposed to be the one giving us trouble.”

Shikadai shrugs. “Whatever the case, we’ll deal with it when it comes to it.”

“Ever the realist,” Cho-Cho scoffs. “You should be more worried about this.”

Inojin takes a step towards one of the doors. “We should get some rest before thinking more about this. It’ll probably be the only time we can rest for right now.”

Cho-Cho eventually nods and heads into her own room. Shikadai watches as the two go into their rooms safely before even opening his. He eyes the room taking note of where everything is placed. His room’s walls are bare. There’s a bed and a dresser with no signs of them having been used. He sets aside his bag against the wall across the bed. Everything is so quiet. It was like the only signs of life in this whole place had been Toris and maybe even Lady Uria wherever she was. He eyes the bed again taking note of how soft and comfortable it looks. He’s so tempted at the idea of resting that he practically throws himself on the bed and he falls face first on it without care. 

“So tired,” Shikadai groans.

Just thinking about the possible shady things going on here was starting to make his head hurt. Shikadai had wanted to at least avoid that for this mission. He sighs and shifts so that he’s lying on his back instead. His legs dangle off the bed and he wonders just how much more work he’s going to have to do.

He stares at the ceiling feeling overwhelmed. It wasn’t like he was expecting this to be easy.

This was an S-rank mission. No S-rank missions were easy. If Boruto had been here, there was no doubt he would be trying to get to the bottom of it without taking a single bit of rest. He always did rush headfirst into things sometimes.

_There I go thinking about Boruto again._

Shikadai lets out another sigh. There hasn’t been a single day since he hadn’t thought about Boruto. He still remembers that night with clarity. 

_I need to stop. I can’t keep obsessing over this_.

Still when Shikadai closes his eyes now, Shikadai can still see how dark the sky had been that night. _One more time_ , he thinks. _Just remember one more time_.

He drifts back to before. Before everything had gone wrong.

  
  


* * *

“You know, Boruto, that it’s typically bad to eat greasy food at midnight, right?”

Boruto laughed. “You know, Shikadai, that good friends support their best friend’s horrible decisions?”

Shikadai huffed with annoyance. “Yeah well, I still don’t see why I have to eat burgers at the crack of midnight.”

Still, he sat down tiredly on the arcade’s rooftop joining his friend. It had been awhile since they last saw each other. Chances to meet were growing slimmer and slimmer due to disagreements that kept popping up in different villages. As a result, they were deployed more often than not. This was the first time in weeks since he'd seen Boruto as his team had finally been allowed to leave the Land of Tea.

He was sick of politics now. It was a wonder he even considered going into that field even if it had been for his family.

He sighed and took his burger out of the bag. “This better not be a strange combo version.”

Boruto only grinned in response, which made Shikadai immediately wary.

Boruto grinning like that usually meant trouble for Shikadai. Like him having to watch the other run trains into Hokage monuments or deciding to sneak out to play a new video game without permission. Things that usually got Shikadai into trouble as well because he was supposed to be the one looking out for Boruto.

“This burger is new! I’ve been waiting weeks to eat it!!” Boruto exclaimed as he waved his arms excitedly. “It’s made from these ingredients from this far away land that’s the only one able to grow it! So it’s extremely rare!”

Shikadai frowned. Weeks? As far as Shikadai had been aware, the only reason Boruto’s team was back in Konoha was because they ran into trouble with some other ninja. Which meant Boruto hadn’t been eating the burger for a reason. Usually he was all over any new burger that popped up and was the first to eat it.

“Oh? I thought you’ve been in the village for a couple weeks now on break while Sarada heals?” Shikadai said while opening the wrapper.

_Oh god, I bet this burger is spicy_ , he thought while looking at the mysteriously bright red sauce oozing out onto the wrapper. He contemplated not eating it, but having seen Boruto’s face all excited made him think otherwise.

He picked it up carefully and looked up to see Boruto staring at him with a dazed expression. Shikadai stared back at him and it might be a figment of his imagination but could it be? _Is Boruto blushing? No_ , he shook that thought away, _there is no way_. Boruto doesn’t like boys like _that_. Boruto **_doesn’t_ ** like him like that.

Boruto looked away coughing awkwardly. His voice became progressively shyer as he spoke. “Huh? Uh . . . yeah. Um, it’s just I wanted to eat this with-with you.”

_Eat it with me?_

Shikadai stared at him surprised and blushed. “Oh.”

He felt warm inside. So inexplicably warm.

_Boruto waited for me to come back to eat this together? He must've waited a long time._

Shikadai looked back down on his burger. It looked gross, but he felt so incredibly happy. He was thankful that it was dark enough to mask the pink on his cheeks that was surely there. When he had seen Boruto waiting at the gate, he had thought something had gone wrong. Even though his team had been at the Land of Tea for a month, they still had gotten news of what had happened to Sarada. So when he saw Boruto standing there at the front of the village entrance pacing back and forth so much that there had been a track of dirt lifting to the sides. Shikadai couldn’t help but run immediately to him and ask him what was wrong. Did Sarada possibly get worse?

Instead, Boruto had jumped at him and hugged him tightly as if he would disappear at any moment. Shikadai had relished in the hug, hugging just as tightly. He could only imagine how red his face had been as he hid it in Boruto’s shoulder. Boruto had laughed after a moment, welcoming him back. And then immediately dragged him around the village to tell him what had changed since he’d last been there. It had been a tiring affair that had resulted in being chased off the Hatake compound by nin-dogs after watching a prank Boruto had staged go wrong. Lord Sixth hadn’t even moved from his seat throughout the whole affair though. Shikadai suspected that it must’ve been a clone.

(Or maybe he just hadn't cared. Granted Lord Sixth was probably used to Boruto's shenanigans by now.)

And now, it was midnight. With two greasy burgers that were going to make Shikadai sick depending if one Boruto hadn’t order anything weird. The Land of Tea had surprisingly healthy choice meals and he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to stomach greasy food again so soon. Still it was worth it if it meant spending more time with Boruto again. As kids, they had been inseparable. But now as teens with missions assigned, it was harder trying to find time to spend with each other.

It also didn’t help that now he had a crush on the other. And the sincere want in being around the other was there. He wanted to look at his smile. Revel in the others attention even if minutely.

Shikadai had missed him terribly. 

Shikadai took a bite from his burger. It tasted surprisingly good and Boruto let out a small moan in appreciation. Shikadai blushed again and tried to focus on his food. He definitely didn’t clock that sound into his memory.

_At least this burger isn’t too spicy_.

Shikadai still remembered the time Boruto had invited everyone out to eat burgers. And like an idiot even though he was the most aware of Boruto’s unique food choices, he had still taken a bite out of it. Or maybe it had been due to the fondness of having seen all of Boruto’s allowance go to feed everyone that had driven him to take a bite out of the suspiciously spicy looking burger.

_Even then_ , he thought, _I would probably do anything he asked me to._

Shikadai finished his burger fairly quickly. _It wasn’t bad_ , he thought. _It actually tasted good. Might even eat it again._

He was happy to be back in Konoha. His bones felt tired from all the traveling. His mind felt tired as well. Politics were always so stressful and being surrounded by it all the time then wasn’t fun. Just thinking about it made him tired. He resisted a yawn. Knowing Boruto, if he saw how tired Shikadai was, he would only haul him back to bed even though he didn’t really want to go to sleep. He wanted to spend more time with Boruto seeing as he was supposed to be leaving soon. His team had been assigned another mission. This time an S-rank. And just thinking about it stressed him out.

_I’m going to miss this_.

It still felt weird being away from Boruto for so long. Growing up, Boruto had always been a constant. Even separated, he had still managed to get snippets of Boruto as his own team went on missions. Except for this last mission, which had been radio silent since they couldn't send back updates due to the delicacy of the mission. And now, the next mission was of the same status.

(Which sucked.)

Boruto began to talk excitedly about his missions and how he and his team had managed to save three Lords in one day. Shikadai honestly doubted that. After all, Boruto had the tendency to over exaggerate things and overreact. Shikadai had even suggested he take up acting if the whole ninja thing didn’t work out for him. He certainly had the talent for it.

“And then I had to tell Mitsuki multiple times that he couldn’t toss the Lord onto the water just because he mentioned it was too hot! And then, he didn't listen to me! Can you believe that! Sarada said that we shouldn’t aggravate Lord Houshi, but man, that man was really spiteful. He kept talking behind her back! I just kept wanting to punch him.”

“Men are afraid of powerful women,” Shikadai commented as he rested his chin on his palm.

“I know right!” Boruto said chewing with his mouth open.

It had Shikadai wanting to chide him for it, but he felt happy Boruto was so enthusiastic that he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. Hearing Boruto’s excited voice had left him feeling excited as well. It was infectious. Boruto began to laugh at a joke he said. It was so bad, but the pure joy on Boruto's face had Shikadai joining after a minute. 

Shikadai stared Boruto as the other continued laughing. Cataloging how the moon lightly touched the golden locks that Shikadai knew to be soft because he had ruffled Boruto's hair earlier when he first got to the village. (If his hand lingered for a few minutes, he only hoped Boruto hadn’t noticed.) Boruto’s smile was like a beacon underneath the dark sky.

_He's beautiful._

The sight of him left Shikadai feeling so overwhelmed; and for a moment, he indulged in how easy it could be to tell him now with the stars bright above them. _I want to tell him how I feel. To tell him-_

“-I love you.”

_I wouldn’t mind being with you for the rest of my life._

Shikadai froze. _Oh no. What did I just say?_

“Huh, w-wh-what?” Boruto started. His hands dropped the half-eaten burger onto his lap in shock. “What did you just say?”

Shikadai felt a pain in his stomach. _Please, please. Please let it be that he didn’t hear me_.

“Y-Y-You-h-huh?” Boruto stuttered. “Shi-Shikadai?”

_Crap, crap, crap. Why did I say that? Why? Stupid, stupid. Should’ve kept my mouth_ _freaking_ _shut._

Something about the sight of Boruto’s shock gripped at his chest and he wondered why suddenly it was so hard to breathe. He willed himself to stay still. Watching how Boruto looked away before looking back. His voice was calm just like the night had been before he ruined it.

(And he ruined it. Ruined everything.)

“Why do you like me?”

  
  


* * *

Just remembering again made Shikadai become overwhelmed with embarrassment. If only he hadn’t run his mouth off.

If only. 

There were a lot of “if onlys” if he thought about it. 

If only he didn’t like him like that. If he hadn’t fallen in love. Hadn’t had a crush. If only he had stopped it once he noticed it before it festered and festered until it overtook him and all he thought of was how to make Boruto smile. To make it so that beautiful, bright smile was directed towards him. Only him. It was a greedy thing, falling in love.

If only.

Instead, no. Shikadai let loose what he wanted so desperately to keep secret.

_And just like that_ , he thinks. _Things are going to be different when I come back_. 

He feels sick at the thought of Boruto acting awkwardly around him. He rolls to his side and curls in on himself. That memory is constantly running in his head so much that he gets distracted at the oddest moments. He misses the simple fantasies. The innocent thoughts. He never wanted Boruto to know. The fact that Boruto knew right away, that he knew him well enough to know that a simple “I love you” was practically a confession from him. 

That Shikadai would not say something like that out of a whim or joke. 

Shikadai opens his eyes slowly and toys with the hair tie on his wrist. He remembers Boruto proudly showing him the one Shikadai had given him right before he left for the Land of Tea mission on his own wrist when he came back. Shikadai had given one of his own hair ties because Boruto had complained about him being gone without being able to communicate. So Shikadai had given it to him to show he would come back for it. It was his way of telling Boruto he would come back alive. Boruto had smiled so big with so much relief that Shikadai’s heart had skipped a beat. And a sickly feeling of possession had creeped up inside him at the sight of seeing Boruto wear something of his.

(Filled with greed and want.)

He sighs and throws an arm across his eyes. Maybe this was stupid. Going to Suna wasn’t going to help things. It wasn’t like going there was going to solve any of his problems. He just wants things to go back to normal. For Boruto to forget his momentary weakness.

_Knowing Boruto that’s not going to happen._

The worst thing is with all his Nara brains, he still doesn’t know how to solve this.

Missions were simple. But love . . . love confused him.

There’s a knock on his door, taking him out of his turmoil and Cho-Cho’s voice filters through. “Shikadai, we’ve been summoned. Time to go.”

Shikadai resolves himself to not mess up the mission so as to not be a burden. He can’t let his accidental confession overwhelm him again. This was going to be the last revival of that night.

Thinking about this was going to be enough.

(He already knows that’s a lie.)

_I won’t think about it anymore. I can’t._

“Okay. I’m coming.”

* * *

  
  


Gathering at the meeting room was easy enough. Second time walking through the series of confusing hallways was enough for Shikadai to get a map of the place. And he knows it was the same for Cho-Cho and Inojin. From where Shikadai is sitting down at the table, he can say for sure that Lady Uria is unlike no one he’s ever met. Her looks are what first stands out to him. Her eyes are pale as if she’s never even seen sunlight. Almost like Lady Hinata’s. He wonders briefly what Lady Uria’s lineage is for her eyes to resemble so closely to that of a Hyuuga clan mate. Her light blonde hair is pulled up into an intricate bun with a light colored ribbon tied around it. Her outfit is just as regal as how she holds herself. He’s given the impression of a princess.

_Must be old money._

“You are leaf ninja?” Her voice is incredibly soft. She eyes them taking in the sight of their headbands.

There’s something in the way she looks at them that itches at Shikadai.

“Yes, we are,” Inojin answers. “We were here sent by Konoha concerning the movement of goods.”

Lady Uria smiles. Her smile stretches widely, almost obscene. “Yes, I’m so glad. I was told it would take two weeks for you to come. To think it was less than a week. I am _so_ happy.”

Despite saying she was happy, there’s no weight to her words, Shikadai realizes. It was like she was _pretending_. Shikadai sits tighter in his seat. He’s half-glad again that he was taught politics. Thankful for the fact that he could at least tell that she was pretending like so many other politicians did.

_I guess the experience of the Land of Tea mission is proving to be good use. Despite how boring it was._

But given that he was more involved with politics than the rest of his teammates, this was going to be more troublesome for himself. 

(Not that he doubted Cho-Cho and Inojin’s dignified upbringing, but there was no denying that he had more experience with it.)

Shikadai watches her hands as they flutter on the table searching for a scroll. She passes it along to her helper who hands it to Inojin. Shikadai glances to his left side and peeks at the paper. Apparently, they were transporting a vase about 18 miles away from their current location. Pretty easy he surmises. He almost wants to question why the mission is an S rank one.

But then he remembers the piece of paper that was pressed into each of their hands from Moegi-sensei. She had given them enough supplies to replace said item with a replica.

Given Inojin’s skill, it made sense as to why they had been assigned.

He says nothing of this because this was supposed to be a secret. Still, he wonders why she needs such an important vase to be relocated from an area where it seemed to have been doing relatively well. He doesn’t question this out loud though. 

(There was no point.)

Lady Uria fans herself with her peacock fan.

“It’s quite simple.” Her sugary voice carries out into the room. “There’s this vase my great-great-grandfather hid. I would like to see it. It’s the only thing I have close to an heirloom, you see.”

Inojin nods slowly.

“Not after the war,” she says airily. “Everything was destroyed after the war.”

Shikadai can hear the sadness in her voice and he wonders if it’s true that her whole family was massacred. Toris had spoken about it in a hushed voice on their way to this room. Gossiping out of the blue with information that Shikadai thought was supposed to be secret. He can feel her sadness with the way her body is drooping. The defeated look on her face over the thought of how everything her family owned had been destroyed.

But there’s something about her eyes. Something cold and dark. 

_Calculating_. 

. . . That makes Shikadai rethink it.

There’s something off about this, he decides. He’s almost glad that he gets to have his hands on the vase before she can to analyse it. Their own instructions didn’t say anything other than “replace the item.” Now that they knew it was a vase, Inojin would have to work quickly to replace said vase with a replica he would have to make. It probably helped that the woman hadn’t seen it in years and had instead heard stories of the vase if they ended making a shoddy version.

(Though, he truly doubts that. Inojin would probably recreate it down to the slightest imperfection.)

“Yes, of course. We will bring it back safe and sound.” Inojin says assuredly and Shikadai is glad that Inojin is doing well leading the talks.

He knows how tedious politics can be. He can practically see Cho-Cho thinking as she stares thoughtfully at Lady Uria.

They would have to reconvene in a place where they could not be seen. Their own rooms were out of the question. God, he could already feel the budding headache. He could only imagine how Inojin must feel to carry this whole mission.

Lady Uria only smiles in response. She waves her hand and Toris comes forward immediately from the corner of the room. He takes Lady Uria by her hand, helping her out of her seat.

“I shall rest now. I look forward to the success of your mission.”

They say their goodbyes and wait patiently for Toris to come back. They don’t dare speak, sensing it to be unsafe at least until they are far away from the compound. He drums his fingers against the table.

**[Talk when?]**

Cho-Cho hums, looking up at the ceiling. “I hope tomorrow is safe from too much wind.”

Inojin stretches his arms over his head. “Well, it should be a nice day tomorrow outside.”

Shikadai begins to change rhythm of his taps when all of the sudden Toris pops back into the room silently. It startles Shikadai with how quick he came back. He immediately stills his fingers. Toris's smile is as easy going as it was when they first met him earlier in the day. No sign that he knew what they were doing. Shikadai narrows his eyes, catching the red stain on his sleeve. Interesting.

“I shall take you back to your rooms now.” Toris begins to walk and they stand up from their seats to follow.

They were going to need to rest today. It should be fine, he reasons. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t already left their packs out for their inspection. The most important bag filled with the replacement supplies had been hidden out in the forest a good distance away before they had even come to the Lady Uria's small village. Inojin had made the decision and it seemed to be the right one. It would be easy to grab it once they left.

_At least, we don't have to worry about that._

They reach their rooms and Shikadai enters last again. If there was any trouble, he could stop it with his shadow jutsu. Toris pays no attention again as he turns to leave. Shikadai eyes the sleeve again. That red stain wasn't there before.

_It has to be blood._

But whose?

Shikadai enters his room and glances around for any traps. Nothing. He touches his pack and notes nothing is amiss. He’s half-pleased that at least he doesn’t have to worry about sleeping in a room that has a trap. He lets out a sigh of relief.

Tomorrow. They had agreed for tomorrow to speak. Shikadai would rather have it be today. But rethinking the answer to his coded taps, he supposes Cho-Cho and Inojin are right. They didn’t know the place well enough to know if there were more people around but were just shy. They didn’t know who could be listening.

Shikadai settles down on his bed and covers himself with the light blanket. Hopefully it wouldn’t spark any suspicions if they left early to get the vase.

_Stop thinking about it, you’ll just stress yourself out again._

Shikadai closes his eyes and tries to sleep. The last thought before he finally succumbs to sleep is:

_I hope that no one almost dies this time._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! All your comments make me extremely happy!! Thank you so much!! 
> 
> This chapter is honestly my longest one yet lol I didn't think it would be this long, but I'm pretty happy, for right now, with how it turned out. I hope you guys don't mind the length. Ah, also the small amounts of angst >< whoops... seemingly unrequited love sure does that. Also this mission hmmmmmm~~~ Now that the plot is moving forward with the mission for the time being, I hope you guys don't mind that it's gonna take a bit before Boruto pops back in again. But there is a happy ending to this so please look forward to that ... when I finally get to it! Ha ha.
> 
> Anyway, I really truly appreciate all the comments and kudos!! Thank you, thank you!! (*^▽^*) Thank you so much for reading once again. See you at the next chapter! :D


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, they leave the compound before anyone can spot them. Toris is nowhere in sight so Shikadai sparks it up as lucky. He doesn’t want to have to explain why they’re walking the opposite way of where the vase is. As they are walking towards where they left their replacement supplies, they review the map that Lady Uria had given them. It didn't seem too difficult.

Overall, Shikadai felt like they were in a good spot.

It's already midday by the time they get there and Shikadai immediately understands why Toris isn’t the one coming here instead. That there had been a specific reason why they set out to hire shinobi instead. Especially given that there was a treacherous ravine that blocked the way to the entrance. A normal civilian would never be able to jump cross it easily.

But they’re not normal civilians.

Once they jump to the other side, they light up their torches to have some sort of light source in the dreary cave.

“It should be somewhere inside here,” Cho-Cho says, glancing around. She holds her torch up higher.

“That’s if they haven’t already robbed the place,” Inojin grumbles.

“Don’t say that,” Cho-Cho scolds. “I doubt anyone got in. But if the vase isn’t here, I don’t think we’ll receive a warm welcome back.”

Inojin grimaces. “Yeah.”

_I hope we find it_. Shikadai thinks as he walks ahead of them. 

“Kind of eerie,” Cho-Cho says after a beat of silence. 

Shikadai has to agree. The deeper they get inside, the more the path becomes narrow as the rocks become sharper and sharper. The more quieter and darker the cave seems. There’s no sign of life. No bats, no bugs, nothing at all. The silence seems to envelope them, almost like a blanket threatening to suffocate them. All that Shikadai can hear are the sounds of his teammates and him breathing. He looks around for at least another path they can go searching on. He almost loses hope when they reach another dead end when he spots something glinting in the corner of his eye. Cho-Cho must’ve seen it as well because she gasps loudly.

“Wow”, Inojin says. “That’s—”

Shikadai has no words as he takes in the series of swirls covering the ceiling of the cave. It looks like a series of drawings if one could even say that. Symbols of some sort. It itches at Shikadai because for the life of him he cannot remember where he had seen them before. 

Somewhere.

_But where?_

“Shikadai, look!”

He strains his neck over to where Cho-Cho is pointing. Another series of symbols.

_I’ve seen this before_ , he thinks desperately. _Where? Where?_

He closes his eyes and much like it does these days, without intending to, Boruto’s face pops up. Though, this is not a memory he likes remembering. The image of Boruto’s new scar stretched across his face all bloody after having just been slashed. The way his eyes are steeled as his arm and face slowly become marked, those markings that make Shikadai wary. 

Wary and worried for what they might mean in the future.

And it clicks just like that.

“Karma,” he whispers staring at the symbols

Inojin startles next to him and looks back up.

Yeah … Shikadai can see why this was an S-rank mission now. 

Especially if it had to do with the Ōtsutsuki clan.

* * *

Thankfully, the symbols seem to be leading somewhere and so they follow warily for that might be their only clue as to where the vase might be. They separate as they search for what seems hours and Shikadai wants to scream in frustration. It’s only until Cho-Cho shouts for them to come to where she is that they finally find where the vase is. In the cave room they find themselves in, the symbols stretch all around across the room except for one spot where they seem to be disappearing into. They look at each other in relief. _This might be it_. After removing some of the rocks covering the crack, they spot the vase nestled inside the crevice in the wall. The gold that shines from within the crack is still bright like if it were new as it reflects from the light of their torches. Shikadai almost expects there to be something else. Like a statue or a hidden chest. A trap somewhere waiting to deploy and hurt them. But there's not much to the room. Just some rocks and those symbols.

He doesn’t know if he should be relieved or not.

(Probably should.)

“Should we do the switch here?” He asks.

Inojin shakes his head. “I need more light than this. And . . . I don’t think I want to stay too long here.”

Inojin pries out the vase and they hold a breath. It comes out unscathed which makes them sigh in relief. Shikadai eyes the golden vase taking in the fact that it looks so normal. There's no symbols like the ones surrounding them. He almost wants to believe it's a normal vase.

“Can you carry it back?” Inojin asks looking towards Cho-Cho. 

Cho-Cho only nods and takes it from Inojin. She lets out a small wince.

“You okay,” Shikadai asks taking in the sight of Cho-Cho’s arms that look like they’re straining from the weight. The vase is only a head high so it should be light, but the way Cho-Cho is holding it makes it seem like it’s heavy.

Cho-Cho grimaces. “It’s pretty heavy actually.”

“I can carry it,” Shikadai offers as he holds out his arms.

Cho-Cho smiles at him. “Thanks, but I think I’ll be fine. I’ll tell you when I get too tired though.”

Shikadai nods.

They make their way back to the entrance of the cave. It had been eerily dark and even with their torches, the shadows bouncing continue to cause some unease in Shikadai. It’s not that he hated the dark. Heck, he mostly worked with shadows so it was fine really. But … the idea of them remaining longer in a place that had possible Ōtsutsuki Clan connections was enough to get him creeped out. Shikadai sighs in relief once they reach the entrance before snuffing out his torch. 

“Let’s go,” he says as he prepares to jump across. He wants to leave as soon as possible.

“Fucking hell!” Inojin swears as his body slips forward.

They notice too late the loose rocks at the edge slipping as the ground starts to give way under them. Shikadai jumps backwards in a hurry and watches in horror as Cho-Cho who is still by the edge falls downwards. Cho-Cho’s hands loosen their grip on the vase and soon it’s toppling over the edge. She immediately goes after it. Fingers straining to the clutch the vase until it's back in her arms again. Inojin grabs for her arm as he falls down with her and Shikadai calls his shadow jutsu just in time to secure them to the side of the cliff. 

_This reminds me of the first chunin exam test._ Shikadai thinks straining to hold their weight against the cliff. His feet inch a bit forwards and he tries to stop them by digging them deeper into the ground.

“Move your ass up, chubs!” Inojin screams whilst trying to pull her up. His feet continue sliding despite trying to use chakra.

“I don’t see _you_ holding the vase!”

“You guys! Stop fighting!” Shikadai yells as he tightens his hold on both their shadows. One wrong move and they would fall.

“Shikadai!”

“Shut up! I’m trying to think!”

  
“Well, you better think fast because we’re both about to fall!” Inojin’s voice takes a tone of desperation.

Cho-Cho has a tentative grip on the vase. Which cost more than any of their lives combined now at this point. If it fell, they were all screwed. It wouldn’t matter that their parents were war heroes. Nope, this was going to be all on them. Especially if it was an Ōtsutsuki relic.

_We’re screwed_ , Shikadai thinks. _Not unless we can somehow pull this off_.

Shikadai glances down below them. There’s water flowing downstream. It’s not as rapid which meant they could drop in easily. That was if they hadn’t been carrying a priceless vase.

“Can you use your chakra?” He calls down. 

Cho-Cho tries to use chakra on her feet but the rocks slide so much that Inojin has to stop her so she doesn’t slide down further.

“No! I’ve been trying! We both have!” Cho-Cho yells, she looks confused. “I think I’m out of chakra.”

“What! How?!”

Cho-Cho only looks pleadingly at him. “I don’t know.”

He eyes the vase in her arms. _Could it be that? I didn’t get to hold it before. And I’m fine so far_.

Inojin must have the same thought because he looks up and says, “Don’t get closer Shikadai! I think that thing might be messing with our chakra reserves. It might mess yours up too.”

Shikadai looks at them strained. He couldn’t do anything then.

It takes a minute before Inojin looks down and spots the water. His face pales and Shikadai can see his hands beginning to tremble.

Shikadai looks around for something that can help them. _C’mon, something has to be of use._

“Just come up with something” Inojin yells looking more and more terrified as he continues looking down.

Shikadai grimaces as he slides closer to the edge. Typically, it wouldn’t be so hard to pull them up, but it felt like he was grabbing onto 5 people instead of 2.

_It has to be the vase._

"Let me go!” Inojin yells after a moment.

_Let him go?_

Shikadai yells, “But Inojin! There’s water down there!”

Inojin glares at him. Hanging dangerously with only his shadow preventing his fall. His pale face looks like a ghost. His hands tremble like a leaf.

“Do it! I’m gonna try and brace Cho-Cho’s fall. I still have enough chakra to stand on the water! And you don’t seem like you’re coming up with something so this might just have to be it!”

“Inojin,” Cho-Cho cries out nervously. “There has-”

“No!” Inojin glares at the both of them. He lets go of Cho-Cho’s arm and he clutches his hands tightly, stopping their shaking forcibly. “Just do it okay!”

Shikadai stares at him as his own feet slide another inch towards the edge. He nods and lets go of Inojin after a moment's hesitation. Inojin lets out a splutter as the water swallows him under and they watch in horrified anticipation and then relief when he comes bursting through the surface. Inojin braces one foot onto the water and holds his arms up to catch Cho-Cho. His look of determination is all it takes for him to let go of Cho-Cho who soon follows. She squeezes her arms around the vase and falls heavily onto Inojin's arms. Inojin's feet sink deeper into the water as he walks towards the rocky land by the water’s edge.

“You guys okay?” Shikadai yells.

“You guys okay,” Inojin mocks, his voice muffled. “Get off me chubs!”

Cho-Cho tuts and hops to her feet gracefully. She smiles proudly holding out the vase and sings out. “It’s safe~~!”

The motion of her jumping onto the ground is enough to cause Inojin to slip on the watery rocks and fall backwards landing onto the water again.

Inojin swears colorfully as Shikadai climbs down the ravine as fast as he can to reach them. He doesn’t have a vase to carry so he can be a bit more careless with his safety. If Boruto saw that, he would probably lecture him along with his own teammates. _Thank goodness, he's not here then._ He runs across the water and he can’t help the water that trickles into his shoes annoyingly.

Shikadai offers his hand to Inojin who looks like a wet cat.

“Sorry.” _Sorry I wasn’t able to get you guys up_.

Inojin glares at him and smacks his hand away. “Whatever.”

Cho-Cho laughs. Her face turns gleeful at seeing Inojin’s annoyance clear on his face.

“Stop your laughter, chubs. You need to lose a couple more pounds before you can even think about getting a man.”

Cho-Cho laughs even harder. Shikadai chuckles. They were already used to Inojin’s offhanded complaints that never really meant anything. Inojin glares as his winces and pops his back.

“If I have back problems, we’ll all know whose fault it was.” Inojin says glaringly pointedly at Shikadai. “You could’ve come up with something. Anything.”

Shikadai just waves him off. “Yeah, yeah. But imagine this Inojin…”

Inojin stares at him expectantly while wringing his hair from the water. He’s shivering and Shikadai feels bad.

Shikadai splays out his hands and mimics a splatter motion. “The vase breaking.”

Inojin and Cho-Cho’s faces pale immediately.

Shikadai smiles smugly at their reaction.

“We’d be dead,” Cho-Cho gasps, staring at the vase in her hands with dread.

“We’d be more than dead,” Inojin states, staring at the golden hued vase too. “We wouldn’t be able to get past the pearly white gates. We’d be killed twice over by our moms first and get sent straight to hell.”

They all shudder.

“We have to deliver this to Lady Uria by tomorrow.” Shikadai says staring up at the darkening sky. “I don’t think we’re going to make it back to the village today.”

Inojin looks up too. “I could make some birds, but the ink jar broke this morning. And the ones I had packed disappeared.”

(To say they weren’t suspicious was an understatement. But they had a mission to do and so they had left.)

Cho-Cho hums and raises the vase up. “The vase is really pretty.”

Inojin squints at the golden reflections swinging from the vase. “The paint is so cheaply applied. If they’d had another coat then it would be reflecting more.”

“Stop being such a nerd. You do realize that vase is over 200 years old right?” Shikadai says while motioning Cho-Cho to hand him the vase. 

Not even speaking about how it might actually be an Ōtsutsuki relic.

How his dad had figured that out without seeing the vase in person was truly impressive.

Inojin frowns. “Doesn’t matter, Shikadai. A true artist would figure out how to make things last.”

Shikadai rolls his eyes.

Cho-Cho snickers. “There he goes again.”

Inojin sighs and shakes off his pants from the leaves sticking onto the fabric. “You guys just don’t understand art.”

“ _Art_ ,” Shikadai stresses, amused.

Inojin throws him an annoyed glance.

Shikadai ignores the look and cradles the vase in his arms. His arms strain from the weight of the heavy vase. Just what were the materials of this vase, geez. He proceeds to walk out of the water. Carefully distributing his chakra so no more of his pants get wet. He shakes his shoes onto the rocks to free them of water and groans once he glances at how wet his pants were from the ankles down. At least he wasn’t Inojin who was soaked completely.

“How the hell did you manage not to get a single drop of water on you?” Inojin complains loudly to Cho-Cho.

Cho-Cho throws out a peace sign. “A lady never reveals her secrets.”

Inojin mumbles underneath his breath. “What lady? Where?”

“What did you say!”

“Nothing,” Inojin smiles sweetly. His eyes form into deceiving arches.

“Oi, Cho-Cho! Can you go gather some firewood?” Shikadai asks before Cho-Cho could throw a word edgewise towards Inojin. He doesn’t want to see them fight if he can help it.

“Gotcha!” Cho-Cho runs off.

Shikadai sits on the floor, waiting patiently. The vase felt more comfortable to carry now that he was sitting. It didn’t feel like it was gathering chakra as he tests it out using a little bit of it.

It was odd.

“I can’t believe I saw my life flash right before my eyes,” Inojin states staring at the vase.

Shikadai laughs. “I thought for sure this mission was going to be our last.”

“Mmn,” Inojin hums while digging through his small pack attached to his leg and his hands come up with crumpled pieces of paper.

“What’s that?” Shikadai asks, noticing the ink running off the paper. “Was that important?”

“Homework,” Inojin states dejectedly. He throws the clump of wet paper onto the ground.

“Homework?” _What the? Since when did Inojin have homework?_

“Yes, homework,” Inojin groans. He covers his face with both his hands in a silent scream. “I’m going to have to redo everything now.”

Shikadai looks at the sight amused. _Interesting. Inojin had homework? But what was it even for?_

“What’s your homework?”

“Draw five interesting sights during this mission,” Inojin states, falling onto his back. He raises one hand and displays 3 fingers. “I already had 3 drawings done. And they were perfect.”

Inojin drops his hand back down onto his chest listlessly. “And now they’re all ruined.”

Shikadai stares at the colorful clumps of paper. _That was a lot of colors. Wait a minute._

“Wait! Is this the reason why you ran out of inks so soon during the last mission?!” Shikadai asks, astounded. Also a little pissed because those birds would’ve been a quick transportation back to the village they had been staying in.

Inojin sits back up slowly, leans back on his arms, and nods.

“What? Why?”

“Himawari sensei scolded me when I didn’t have the correct amount of pages done. Also, it’s not like I used the good inks. I was using old stuff I had on me.”

Himawari. Sweet, gentle Himawari scolding Inojin.

Shikadai laughs. “I can’t believe this. Actually no, I can.”

Inojin flushes. “Shut up. Don’t laugh. You don’t know how scary she can be when she’s mad. You know... I thought Boruto was kidding when he said Himawari could be really scary ‘cause she’s all sweet and stuff. But really, never _ever,_ _ever_ make her mad.”

Shikadai can’t help, but smile. Who’d have thought Inojin would be scared of Himawari? Inojin stares back up at the sky.

“So all those times on the last mission when you were drawing, that was all homework?”

Inojin squints away and mumbles, “Yeah.”

“Wait, we were gone for almost a month. How many drawings did she even ask of you?”

Inojin flushes even more from embarrassment and lays back down on the ground. Shikadai waits. All Inojin had done was draw on the last mission. There was no way he hadn’t met the quota unless it was some ridiculous number like 100. But even Himawari wasn’t cruel enough to ask for something like that.

“10.”

“What? What was that?” Shikadai asks. _Did he just say ten?_

Inojin sits back up. “I said ten! Geez, are your ears growing deaf?!”

“No, I just thought I misheard,” Shikadai throws back sharply. “Because if it was really ten, then you’d have met the quota.”

“Well, I can’t hand her shitty drawings!” Inojin yells and waves his arms wildly. “Do you know how hard it was to try to match up the colors with the background and blend it well! I ran out of red halfway through my 5th drawing and then I had to use some shitty red that kept leaking into the other colors. Also half our stuff got destroyed. Remember right before we came back? From that Lord Iruoa’s little dog. So half my drawings were already goners when it got to my pack.”

Inojin pouts. “It wasn’t my fault. But I can’t tell Himawari-sensei that or else she’s going to think I’m uncool.”

“She’s not going to think you’re uncool.” _She probably already knows that already_ , Shikadai thinks, already thinking about how Inojin had fallen onto the water just earlier. Maybe this would be a fun story to tell her the next time he saw her.

She always worried about them despite her own teammates assuring her that they would be safe. It probably had to do with the fact that he practically dragged Boruto’s listless body back to Konoha, with one eye scarred and a fear of water and electricity to boot.

(Yeah, he can see why she would be worried even though it was ages ago.)

He didn't get to see her this time when they had gotten back to the village because Boruto had dragged him everywhere. Maybe when he got back he would make sure to see her. It would be good to catch up with Himawari. Though there was a chance he wouldn’t be able to meet up with her now that her own team was taking even longer missions away from home like everyone else.

Still, this was good. Inojin having a tentative friendship with Himawari was probably why Inojin was getting better. Himawari never asked them about that time. Only when they got back and that had been that. She just waited until they were ready to talk and so it was soothing being around her. There was no risk of traumatic memories coming back up. Nothing that ever made them feel unsafe with her. Shikadai can see why Boruto and her own teammates treasure her so much.

Again, he doesn’t say this but he knows Cho-Cho is equally as grateful to Himawari for being patient with Inojin. He bets that when Himawari’s teammate finally asks her out Inojin would probably be one of the firsts to give him the shovel talk. Honestly, he would too.

Not that Boruto wouldn’t beat them to it first.

Inojin sighs and waves a hand. “Okay, you say that, but you don’t see the way her face just brightens when my drawings come to life. Shitty looking drawings coming to life just suck.”

“Okay sure, but before that the first time you gave life to drawings for her, I remember you told me offhandedly that her drawings were bad. You complained, remember?”

Inojin glares. “That was in the past. Don’t remind me of my dark period.”

Shikadai laughs. “Dark period? You were moping.”

Inojin throws a pebble at him.

“Oi, don’t do that! What if you hit the vase?” Shikadai scolds, wrapping his arms protectively over the vase.

Inojin stops and sticks out his tongue. “Then stop talking.”

Shikadai sticks his tongue out in response, annoyed. He looks around. Setting up a camp wouldn’t be too troublesome. Even with it turning to autumn, the sun still had strength to warm the rocky floor. No water was hitting where they were sitting so it would make it easier to dry Inojin’s clothes too.

“We should set up camp here,” Inojin says breaking the silence, coming to the same conclusion Shikadai did.

“Okay, Captain,” Shikadai responds. He stands up, hoisting the vase up higher in his arms. “Cho-Cho! What took you so long?”

Cho-Cho comes up to them, gasping. Her cheeks were flushed from exertion. “Do you know how hard it was to climb that thing? The ground kept crumbling down because all the rocks were loose from when we fell.”

She throws down the firewood. “Here! Should we start the fire here or somewhere else?”

Inojin opens his pack. “Might as well stay here. There’s no point in moving at night especially if the terrain is going to be rocky. We don’t want the vase to break because one of us decides to trip.”

“I don’t think one decides to trip, Inojin.” Cho-Cho says crossing her arms. “It’s like choosing chips. One can’t choose which bag is fuller than the other. Life is full of surprises like that.”

“Thanks for your wisdom, Cho-Cho.” Shikadai says while clearing the ground from rocks to make it smoother to place the tent.

“You're welcome, Shikadai. At least someone here appreciates my intelligence,” Cho-Cho huffs, giving a heated glare to Inojin.

Inojin rolls his eyes. “Just get to work.”

Inojin motions for him to pass along the vase as he takes the clay out of the replacement bag. “I have to recreate this tonight.”

“You can probably get away with shoddy work,” Shikadai says, watching his hands start to mold the clay.

“Probably,” Inojin replies. 

Cho-Cho digs around to create a campfire. “Will this work to harden it?”

Inojin shakes his head. “I would rather have an oven but…”

_We don’t have that much time._

* * *

Inojin finishes the vase as quickly as he can. It’s not bad to say. Inojin was skilled enough that it would convince Lady Uria that it was the real thing. Now that it was dinnertime, Cho-Cho had gone into the tent to settle down first. She had recovered her chakra fast enough which was a relief. At this point, they kept their hands off the vase. Shikadai had gathered that it sucked chakra at varying intervals and at different times which was going to make tomorrow's trip difficult. But passing around the vase might help. 

_I guess we’ll have to see tomorrow_. 

Shikadai takes a bite out of his bread which is too hard to swallow. He almost wants to spit it out. He wishes he was back home. His mother’s cooking was way better than this. He had taken the choice to eat, after they had settled into bed, hoping to sit and gather his thoughts. Despite not having his chakra drained by the vase as much as the others, he was exhausted.

“Glad to see you’re doing better.”

“Huh?” Shikadai says startled. He lowers his bread. “Oh, Inojin.”

Inojin smiles. His eyes go into small crescents. “Yes, it’s me.”

Shikadai doesn’t want to ask why he’s awake. He supposes he’s glad that Inojin waited this long to ask him what was _really_ going on. It had only been almost one week since they had left Konoha after all. Shikadai had been jittery the first few days thinking that they would press further into the issue. 

He knows he can’t hide anything from them for long. It would be too hard especially when they spent so much time together and knew each other so well. He was already working double hard to make sure they didn't notice him breaking down. Still those days of peace had allowed him to have a plan. A concrete plan. Shikadai was going to Suna because he had heard, after his meeting with Boruto, that Shinki had gotten into an accident. That this had been the reason for his panic. And since he was going to Suna, he could have some more peace for a couple more days. More days to resolve his broken heart. He needed to figure out how to avoid the awkward atmosphere that was sure to develop once he saw Boruto again. Thankfully, Inojin and Cho-Cho had already agreed to deal with the aftermath of the vase so he could leave right away.

“Not going to sleep,” Shikadai asks, curious to see why the other was up.

“Nah,” Inojin fumbles with the sleeves of his sweater he had changed into after setting camp. “I wanted to ask you something actually.”

_Please don’t ask. Please don’t ask._

Shikadai swallows. “Oh?”

“You’re keeping something from us,” Inojin says bluntly. His eyes dig into Shikadai’s face. “And I want to know why.”

“I already told you,” Shikadai begins. “Shinki had gotten injured and I panicked. That’s all. I’m _not_ hiding _anything_.”

Inojin’s eyes narrow. “Oh, _really_.”

God, he hated that look on Inojin’s face. The one where he looked like he was calculating something. Inojin had a way with words. Words he used once upon a time to insult Boruto until Shikadai had put a stop to it. Words that never really meant anything until they did. Words that knew how to get something out of someone.

Shikadai looks away and stares at his bread. “I’m not keeping any secrets.” He reiterates.

“You better not ‘cause if I find out it’s actually something impor-”

“What are you going to do? Beat me?” Shikadai cuts off, amused at the threat. Inojin would never hurt him.

Inojin glares. “No. But I am telling Boruto. Knowing his tenacity, he’ll wring it out of you in two minutes just from being his annoying self. Annoyingly, constantly pressing on it.”

Shikadai flushes and tightens his hands into fists. “I’m fine. And don’t--don’t tell Boruto.”

“Hmmn?” Inojin looks interested. His eyes brighten with intrigue.

Shikadai glares at him. Yeah, this was bad. “Remember I’m heading to Suna the minute this mission is over. I don’t want him uselessly worrying about something so simple for so long since I don’t even know when I’m coming back.”

_I’m not running away. I’m not_ , he tries to convince himself.

Inojin rocks on his heels. “Well, I almost forgot about that.”

“Yeah,” Shikadai says, pointing at him. “Imagine how annoying he’ll be when I’m gone. Asking _you_ questions.”

Inojin shudders, quite surely imagining that outcome. “Okay, okay, I won’t say anything to him then.”

Inojin begins to step back towards the tent before he turns around. His eyes are serious, resolved. “But he’ll find out, you know. Even if you don’t tell me or Cho-Cho.”

Shikadai thinks back on Boruto’s lively face stunned into silence.

“I know.” Shikadai says and thinks sadly, _yeah I know_.

* * *

They get the vase back safely to Lady Uria who is absolutely delighted that it hadn’t been broken. Shikadai is only left relieved that their lives weren’t going to be at stake when they got back home. _Well, I’m not going back home_ , he remembers. 

Even though they hid the real vase somewhere safe, he feels wary. The vase had left them feeling drained even though they all took turns carrying it back. Lady Uria had acted like nothing had been amiss. 

Maybe time would tell.

In any case, he had already sent a falcon to Suna stating that he was going to be heading there tomorrow. Shikadai was close enough to the sand village that it would probably take a couple days time to get there.

Dinner had been a quiet affair. Cho-Cho and Inojin were too exhausted to do anything else. And so everyone had gone to sleep.

Now that it was morning, Shikadai was anxious to get going. He needed to send a message to his parents that gave some sort of explanation. He was sure his father must have heard about his breakdown. He always found out the things he least wanted him to. He supposes he was lucky that his team had left right away when he insisted, betting on them trusting his intuition that he would be able to do this. His father would have probably stopped him from going on the mission until he told him why he had had a panic attack. Which would have been embarrassing.

Shikadai knows he probably has a billion messages waiting for him the minute he gets to Suna. He wonders briefly if his Uncle Gaara was going to interrogate him the minute he gets there. Hopefully, Uncle Kankuro would put a stop to that and not ask him any questions. He didn’t want to lie to them. Except, he was coming to Suna all for the purpose of a lie. He starts to feel guilty and sick. This wasn’t like him. It wasn’t like him to be this dishonest. It reminded him of how Boruto had acted during the days leading to the chunin exam.

“Right,” he whispers. “Of course you would compare it to that time.”

He sighs.

Shikadai runs his hands through his loose hair and pulls on the dark strands in frustration. It was either face the aftermath of everyone knowing (well, not everyone, but his brain wasn’t helping with not imagining the worst possible outcome) or keep it as secret as possible. Secret meaning keeping his breakdown a secret. He knows Boruto is not gonna go around telling everyone of his confession. Boruto has enough tact to know not to do that. 

And most of all, he’s not cruel. 

Shikadai just wants to keep his breakdown to be a secret. He doesn’t want Boruto knowing that it was because of him. Because of the confession. Boruto would only think that he had hurt him and Shikadai doesn’t want that. He doesn’t like that guilty look on Boruto’s face. It had been his own fault for panicking over something so stupid. He thought it was stupid. 

Really who freaks out over confessing to someone?!

(He does.)

Shikadai drops back onto the bed and rubs his eyes.

No, everyone panics because that’s normal. Confessions are _supposed_ to be terrifying. He wonders why anyone even bothers and then he remembers that he bothered even if it had been an accident. He had thought about it before. Entertained the thought of how he would say it and where he would say it.

But those were only fantasies.

Not something that was ever supposed to happen.

(And yet, it did.)

“I’m stupid.” He groans, smacking the side of his head. “So stupid.”

Yeah, no. If he ever ran into Boruto, he vowed to not run off his mouth. Whenever that was going to be. He still doesn’t know how long he’s going to stay with his Uncle Gaara. It could be a week. Or a month.

(A month actually sounded good.)

He wasn’t running away.

…

He wasn’t.

(He totally was.)

Shikadai stares at the ceiling. How long had he laid on his bed agonizing over this? Nope, he doesn’t want to think about it. Not going to think about it.

He changes into different clothes. He’s thankful he wasn’t bringing much with him. Just a couple of clothes and his ninja stuff.

Shikadai touches the hair tie on his wrist absently and stops once he realizes what he’s doing.

“Crap, I’m so screwed.” He buries his face into his hands. “How am I going to be able to speak to him normally after that? How?”

Shikadai sighs and hitches his packed bag over his shoulder. There was no point in dwelling over it now. It’s not like he hasn’t done that during the last few days.

He pulls his hair back up, relieved it hadn’t tangled when he had left it down to sleep. He steps out of the room, passing by Inojin and Cho-Cho’s rooms. He wants to say goodbye, but he already did that during dinner. Cho-Cho hadn’t understood why he needed to leave so soon. It wasn’t like Shinki was in critical condition. Thankfully, Inojin had intervened and diverted the conversation back to talking about home and what they would do.

Shikadai really owes Inojin an explanation later. But that would be for another day, some other time.

Shikadai steps outside and steps forward in the direction of Suna.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this took so long. ;; sorry for the wait but life caught up to me for a bit there!! Hopefully, the next chapter comes sooner!! Thank you so much for reading and commenting and leaving kudos!! I really appreciate it truly. And I feel like I can't say this enough, but thank you so much for reading. lol I sincerely never thought people would subscribe, comment, or read this story. The fact that people have still amazes me. lol even though right now this is basically a slow burn... thank you for sticking to this story. 
> 
> Sometimes I worry I'm taking too long to get to the romance bit and want to rush things so that Shikadai and Boruto can talk things out but I gotta go slow ;;; I dunno. Either way, I am going at my own pace hopefully it's not too frustrating! Next up is Suna!!! I'm excited to show the interactions between the sand team and Shikadai!! Lol hopefully, they can convince Shikadai to stop running away lmao
> 
> Anyway, see you next chapter!!! Thank you so much for reading!!


	5. Chapter 5

It had been so long since Shikadai had been to Suna that it was natural that he had begun to feel slightly nervous at the thought of going back there. From the small trips he had gone as a child, Suna seemed like an entirely new place especially now that he was older. It had taken him about a day to get to the edge of Suna’s borders. And while yes, Shikadai could’ve gotten to Suna earlier, a part of him wanted to take his time to get there. 

That early morning Shikadai had left with confidence that Cho-Cho and Inojin were safe to remain by themselves at Lady Uria’s home. It was only going to be a couple of hours after all that they would stay to wrap up any loose ends. Still, if he did end up staying behind in the shadows looking around the place no one was none the wiser. As Shikadai walked around, it only solidified the idea in his head that the inside of the main house was just as empty as the outside. It seemed like only Lady Uria, Toris, and a couple of servants were living in such a huge place. Several of the rooms were filled with dust and were void of any possessions.

It was only after a couple of minutes of searching that Shikadai finally found where the fake vase they had given Lady Uria was stored. He could feel the room vibrating with energy that he didn’t dare step in the room fearing a trap could be set off. In fact, there were many seals. 

Seals that only a ninja with high enough caliber could disable without setting off an explosion.

_I should tell Dad about this when I get back to Konoha_. Someone else was working with them. He was sure of it. Unless, they had lied about being normal civilians and this had been their doing. Even then, it was a miracle that they haven’t discovered the vase was a fake by now.

(Surely even if Inojin’s work was so great, they would notice right?)

After that, Shikadai had waited outside the compound hidden in the upper branches of a tree. It had taken a while for Cho-Cho and Inojin to come out. Enough time for his fingernails to be bitten down much shorter than they usually were and for his lip to start bleeding. But once he saw that they were fine, with their packs slung over their shoulders and smiles on their faces, he left.

They had successfully completed the mission.

After that, it hadn’t taken much to follow the path towards Suna. Buying his train ticket had been easy enough. He knows his Uncles are slowly changing the village little by little. (Though it hadn’t gone through a whole drastic change like Konohagakure did with the influx of modern buildings.) One key focus Suna did was improve upon things like transportation. He only wishes that transportation had held up and hadn’t broken down midway to Suna. 

As he forcibly walks towards the village, legs aching from all the walking, Shikadai is thankful that Shinki and the others, Araya and Yodo, were supposed to meet him at the entrance per his request when he sent the notice to Suna. He preferred to meet them first rather than his Uncle Gaara right off the bat. He loved his Uncle, but he really needed to speak to Shinki first. It didn’t help that Shikadai still hasn’t decided if he wants to be honest with his cousin. 

Already he feels sick from all the lying. 

Heck! He can’t even tell his own teammates who he knows only worry about his safety and well-being why he’s been feeling so off kilter. _I’m so tired_. Still, despite knowing they cared about him, there was that irrational fear of being rejected. Not only by Boruto, but by his own friends that he practically feels are part of his own family.

_I’m being silly. This is all just useless worrying._

The sand blows in front of him as if it were raining causing him to squint. The sight of the village entrance is the only thing that continues to urge him on to continue walking. He wipes the sweat off his forehead miserably.

Already he misses the coolness of Konohagakure.

_Especially the grass_ , he muses as he looks down at his shoes. The sand had been rubbing against the soles of his feet for a good while. It had been a lost cause getting the sand out of his shoes. Living in a grassy place like Konoha had truly saved him from the annoyances of the never ending sand.

Shikadai glances back up to spot someone waving their arms beckoning him to come closer. _Shinki?_ If he squints hard enough, Shikadai feels like he can see the three lonesome figures of Shinki and his team from the distance. Shikadai begins to lightly jog, legs immediately protesting. _Only a bit more_ , he tells himself. _And then you can rest on a nice comfy bed_.

Truth be told, Shikadai wasn’t exactly excited to see them. During Shinki’s last visits to Konoha, Shinki had started to hover over him whenever he was in the same vicinity as him. He wonders if it’s due to his Uncle Gaara’s fussy behaviour towards his well-being that it ended up transferring onto Shinki. No matter what age he was, it seemed like his Uncle Gaara wouldn’t stop treating him like he was a little kid.

(He only hopes that he can have at least a little bit of breathing room while in Suna.)

As Shikadai nears his cousin, there’s a couple of changes he spots firsthand. Shinki’s face paint is in a different design. It’s more dramatic if Shikadai can even say that with the lines going across his face in bold streaks. Yodo now has a couple of swords strapped onto her back. Much like in the style of Araya whose own sword hangs regally at his back. Shinki’s own coat of black sand, iron sand, dances on his shoulders wildly. 

(It always leaves Shikadai with a sense of awe. To have that much chakra to keep the coat of iron sand always formed was always impressive.)

“Shikadai!”

“Shinki.” Shikadai slows down. 

The plan he had originally come with slams to his face. 

_Why the hell did I come to Suna for? I don’t know if I can do this. Just how the hell am I going to convince him to lie for me??!!_

A tendril of shame begins to grow in his stomach. “You look like you’ve been doing fine.”

_Of course, he has!! He was never injured in the first place!_

Shinki stalks up to him in quick, measured footsteps and grabs him by the shoulders to inspect him. Shikadai can already feel the scrutiny in his gaze.

“Back off,” Shikadai protests annoyed. He tries to push him back, but it’s no use. Shinki was much like his Uncle. Just as equally as stubborn.

“Were you hurt on your way here? You didn’t come up against any trouble, right?” Shinki asks quickly, taking input of his sand covered clothes and bag strung over his shoulder.

“No,” Shikadai responds. “I’m quite fine, thank you.”

Shinki’s eyes only narrow in response. “Your father sent a notice.”

Shikadai freezes, not knowing how to respond to that. _Father must’ve sent his concerns to Uncle Gaara_. Shikadai can only smile awkwardly. What was he going to say? _Yeah, I ran to Suna because I was afraid of facing Boruto again. I’m afraid of rejection_. Fucking hell, he was a Nara. No matter what, he wasn’t supposed to be a coward. He was the next Head of the clan. And also, does his father know?? Does he know he panicked enough to the point he was hyperventilating? Does he know about his feelings?

_Does he know?_

He decides to stay silent and looks past him, not quite being able to meet his eyes. He refuses to acknowledge the tightening in his chest. _I am not going to have another panic attack here in front of them. I’m not_. He tries to focus on Yodo who’s squatting on the ground looking bored with Araya pacing back and forth behind her. Shikadai almost wants to urge them to say something. Something to distract Shinki from asking more. Shikadai thought he was ready, but there’s a difference in thinking one is ready in a hypothetical scenario and then being in the actual scenario. Shinki’s hands on his shoulders tighten their grip. Shikadai continues to not meet his eyes.

He tries to gulp only to feel like something got stuck in his throat.

“Shik-”

Yodo stands up and impatiently yells, “Hurry up, slowpokes! Get your greetings out of the way already! The Kazekage wanted to see us! We have to go!”

“T-T-That’s right!” Araya pips up quietly behind her as he rubs his hands nervously.

Shinki takes one long look at him, displeasure at being interrupted quite clearly displayed on his face, before stepping aside. “Yes, we should go see father.”

Shikadai holds his sigh of relief. _This isn’t the end of it, you know_ , he reminds himself. _He knows something is up_.

“You were making us worry, you know,” Yodo says, the minute they get closer to them. Shikadai doesn't realize she was chewing gum until she blew a quick bubble in his face. “What took you so long?

Shikadai smiles warily. “The train broke down so I had to walk.”

“We s-should inform the Kazekage.” Araya turns to face Shinki. “So they can send someone to help.”

Shikadai wonders how Araya can stand the heat even while wearing a mask. Despite the sun finally setting down, it was still unbearably hot. Looking at Araya made him feel warmer. Heck looking at Shinki’s coat of sand was starting to make him sweat even more again at the heat. Shinki doesn’t respond to that and only gives an awkward nod before starting to walk past the gates. Yodo shrugs her shoulders as Araya flounders behind him. Shikadai follows after them. _Amazing_ , he thinks. Shinki is just as abrupt as the last time he had seen him. Though it hadn’t been this bad before. _What is this awkward air between Shinki and Araya?_

“Father was able to schedule some time off,” Shinki glances at him. “He might already be home.”

“Oh that’s great,” Shikadai responds.

Shikadai can only imagine how his Uncle Gaara’s reaction to seeing him again would be. Hopefully, Uncle Kankuro would be able to hold his Uncle back from hounding him with too many questions.

Which …

Wasn’t the case…

At all. 

Because if it was even possible, his Uncle Kankuro was even worse than his Uncle Gaara. The first thing they had both done was crowd him in a similar fashion Shinki had done and inspected him. It was a bit frightening to see his Uncle Gaara’s intense gaze directed towards him. But after verifying that he was fine, they hauled him to the table to eat and eat without stop. Which would've been fine if Shikadai was starving, but he wasn’t. He had just eaten before and was still full. They asked him questions about his journey. It was mostly his Uncle Kankuro doing the questioning with his Uncle Gaara quietly observing in the background. Thankfully, Matsuri had called his Uncle Gaara about a problem that arose in the outskirts which caused him to leave early. He could already tell that his Uncle Gaara was also going to start questioning him once his Uncle Kankuro was done. After he had left, only his Uncle Kankuro and Shinki were left at the table. And since Yodo and Araya had left the minute he got dropped off, he didn’t have them to use as a buffer to avoid talking to his Uncle too extensively and by default his cousin as well.

Shikadai was lucky that they must’ve seen the tiredness on his face because Uncle Kankuro had just trailed to a stop and shaken his head. And after a minute, Uncle Kankuro stood up to lead him to his room.

He feels grateful for the chance to breathe.

Even if it was only for a little bit.

* * *

The next morning, Shikadai tiredly decides that he needs to distract himself and find some way to get Shinki alone to talk to him. Shikadai knows he can’t stay too long in Suna. If his father was already suspicious of something, then staying in Suna wasn’t going to help any matters. Already he feels like he dragged this for too long. Hiding behind a mission and then in a different country.

It didn’t look too good.

_What a joke_. _I can’t even run away properly. Always finding excuses. What am I even doing?_

The lack of consistent sleep and constant worrying wasn’t doing him any favors to his complexion. The dark circles under his eyes are the first thing that greets him when he looks in the bathroom mirror. He barely makes it downstairs without almost tripping from sleepiness.

Just as he’s turning the corner, Shikadai sees his Uncle Gaara looking at him with a furrowed brow. _Right. Gonna have to start this early, huh._ Shikadai takes his seat at the table and glances at the food set down.

“Shinki already went to the training arena to adjust his puppets.” His Uncle Gaara says in lieu of a greeting.

“Okay.”

Silence.

Both him and his Uncle begin to pick at their food. Shikadai commits himself to chewing his breakfast as fast as he can so he can try and search for Shinki around the village.

“Shikadai,” his Uncle Gaara begins. “Is everything ok-”

Dread pools in his stomach.

_Oh no_. _Sorry Uncle. Even if it’s you… I can’t._

“Un-” 

“Gaara!” Shikadai gets a miraculous break when Matsuri breaks through the dining room doors with a flustered and cheerful expression on her face. 

_Oh thank god_.

He sighs in relief internally. His Uncle on the other hand looks startled to see her. Matsuri grins before walking up to him to poke his arm. His Uncle doesn’t look annoyed at the onslaught poking, almost looks used to it.

“Sorry to interrupt your precious nephew time, but there’s a problem you need to address. It turns out yesterday's problem just became bigger. I already gathered everyone up in the meeting room so they should be there already. It shouldn’t take all day.”

It's been a long time since Shikadai has seen Matsuri besides yesterday night and it seemed like her habit in annoying her former teacher was still the same with the way she had poked his Uncle while smiling cheerfully. _She really doesn’t let his status get to her now. Thank you for interrupting. Even if it wasn’t on purpose._

His Uncle looks hesitant. “You’ll be okay alone here, right? I can send Shinki to spend time with you. Your father-”

“No! No! I’ll be okay,” Shikadai interrupts. _Please don't mention my father. I don't even want to start thinking about that._ “Everything is fine! In fact, I can just go find Shinki! You don’t need to do that. It’s not a problem.”

His Uncle looks unconvinced, but concedes at his insistence. “Very well. Let’s go Matsuri.”

“It was nice seeing you Shikadai! Let’s talk later if we see each other again,” Matsuri waves before leaving as quickly as she had come.

Shikadai nods. “Sure.”

Shikadai watches them leave and just like that he’s alone again. He slumps back down into the dining chair and pulls his hair. 

  
_You can do it. Go find Shinki and get some time alone to talk to him_.

* * *

Which like always in Shikadai’s life doesn’t happen.

What does end up happening is Shikadai goes back to bed. There was no rush, right? A few more moments of peace wouldn’t hurt, right?

_A coward_ , his mind screams at him. _Coward_.

Sleeping in had sounded like a nice idea. He needed the nap given how tired he was these days.

(Totally wasn’t avoiding searching for Shinki.)

When he wakes up again, he feels only marginally better. And after sitting for a half an hour, he decides it’s finally time to get out. 

_They should still be in the training arenas. Where is that again?_

Shikadai walks in what he hopes is the direction of the new training arenas they built. It shouldn’t be hard to miss, right? As Shikadai walks, he takes in the sights of the village. It’s not surprising that everyone is out doing stuff from shopping to conversing with each other. The whole village seemed full of life. It only showed how hard his Uncle worked to make the village safe for everyone. It reminds him of Konoha.

He pauses.

Maybe he should just stay here. Would it really hurt to stay away longer?

“Oh you’re out.”

Shikadai looks behind him startled. Yodo looks slightly amused if the twitch of her lip is anything to go by. Her hood is off her head showing off her long blonde hair that rests over her shoulder.

“Oh, Yodo. Hello.”

“What are you doing out here?” She pops a bubble. He resists the urge to flinch. 

“Just looking at what's new in the village.” _Just looking for Shinki_. 

Yodo hums as her foot taps in thought. Yeah, he really should've talked to them more. What is he supposed to say now? Ask her about her day? He doesn't know what else to say to her.

“Well, I was just taking a break from training right now. How about it? Want to see how Suna shinobi fight?” Yodo says, face completely void of any emotion. She blows a strand of blonde hair away from her face. 

_Well, you were looking for Shinki and he might even be there still. Even if he’s not there. It’s still a good idea. I could learn something new. I could probably use it when I train with Inojin and Cho-Cho next time._

Shikadai nods. He was curious. He might even pick up something on it. “Sure. I don’t see why not.”

She leads him to an arena which is farther than he thought it would be. He doesn't remember it being there from last time. But then again the last time he had gone to Suna was a little shortly after Shinki had gotten adopted in. And the village had gone through some renovations.

_This must have been built recently. A lot has changed_. 

He can already hear the fighting as soon as they enter the arena. It’s large, perfect for large scale attacks. Shikadai spots Araya and Shinki in the middle of the arena dancing around each other in practiced moves. Much to his surprise, Araya’s mask is off. It's a rare sight. Heck, Shikadai can count the number of times he has seen Araya without his mask on one hand. Yodo doesn’t act surprised at the sight and continues to move up the seats in the stands. 

“I’m back!” Yodo announces, yelling loudly. 

Araya and Shinki don’t acknowledge her, too concentrated on their fight.

Shikadai pulls his eyes from the arena and follows after her. Shikadai sits down cross-legged next to Yodo as he observes the arena below again. Shinki dances around Araya sending his own puppets against him. _Amazing_ , he thinks. _He has enough chakra to do that too?_

“Use your puppets, Araya,” Yodo yells, cupping her hands over her mouth. 

Araya glances up towards her voice and catches sight of them. His eyes widen and surprise crosses his face in a flurry. Araya reaches for the ground to pick up his mask just as Shinki sends another puppet during his distraction. His mask gets knocked off his hand and skids away from him as he tries to avoid a blow Shinki aimed at him.

Araya looks horrified.

“Dammit Araya,” Yodo complains. She stands up from the stands and yells, “Don’t pay attention to the mask!”

Araya glances up at her before flying backwards. Shikadai winces in sympathy as he watches his cousin send more iron sand towards Araya to trap him. Araya scrambles backwards. Fingers twisting the strings to try and gain control of his puppet again. He looks terrified, face ashen, as his eyes go up to look at them as Shinki begins to send his own puppets besides the sand.

Araya’s face would be considered conventionally attractive if it weren’t for the bandits that practically butchered his face. A smile, though strained by the scars, still shows a certain nervous warmth. With the amount of times Shikadai seen Araya interacting without his mask with Shinki and Yodo, Shikadai understands that even though Araya’s own teammates don’t mind the scars. It seems like Araya himself must find some problem with them. 

Which might be the reason why he insists on wearing the mask for every occasion.

Though hiding behind the mask was only going to hinder him in the end. If Araya ever lost that mask during a real battle and kept stressing about others seeing his face, then there was going to be a real problem.

Shikadai thinks all this as he watches his cousin avoid the next puppet sent to him. The way Araya moves the threads is half hearted at best. The panic is making the puppets jerky in their movements with no real power behind their attacks. It wouldn’t do good in a fight, his analytical mind practically screams at him. Araya is too nervous to gain control of his puppets again. And it seems like Shinki seems to know this as he carefully dances around the other trying to bring the best out of him. Giving Araya way too many chances to create a counterattack. Araya’s confidence seems tenuous at best and even Shikadai knows this despite it being months since he last saw them. _This isn't looking good._ Araya jumps backwards, the arms of the puppet jerking clumsily as he does so. This was probably going to end in Araya’s defeat. Yodo looks like she's going to yell again, but she only heaves a huge sigh and sits still beside him.

“He sucks, doesn’t he?” Yodo says chewing her gum again.

Shikadai feels guilty. Araya ultimately lost his confidence and demeanor once he saw them. It was most likely Araya was nervous in his presence. 

After all, Shikadai was a stranger. 

And Araya doesn’t like people seeing his face. 

“He totally sucks,” Yodo repeats. 

Shikadai winces at her harsh observation. He wouldn’t say Araya sucks. But given that in the field you had to be confident enough to hold the backs of your teammates, Araya would surely fail if a mask was all that could take him down. 

Especially if this was his best effort to regain control of the situation.

“He’s improved,” he resorts to saying. Because even if Araya's a nervous wreck, Shikadai still sees the potential. Controlling puppets is difficult especially with all the threads. It’s not something Shikadai could do easily. Still, if Araya were a bit more confident, then surely he would be fighting better. 

Surely, right?

(And it was also Shikadai's fault for being a distraction.)

Shikadai looks back down just in time to catch the flash of annoyance that crosses his cousin’s face when Araya is once again distracted by looking up at them. The mask that laid on the ground keeps getting further and further as Shinki pushes Araya back away from it. And it seemed to be only making it worse for Araya’s nerves to have his mask so far out of reach. Shikadai chews his lip in thought. _Shinki, you must know this. Give him a break._

“You don’t have to sugarcoat it,” Yodo interjects his thoughts. “Araya sucks.”

“Ah,” Shikadai says flabbergasted. He tries to rack up something to say other than agree with her. There were still some redeeming qualities to this fight.

(… he thinks anyway.)

Yodo laughs at his flustered face.

Shikadai elects not to say anything as he watches the fight wind down. Araya is thrown onto the ground harshly. The sand grabs his legs forcibly as his puppet flops onto the ground like its strings were cut off. Yodo pats her legs as she stands, removing the small stray amounts of sand off her legs.

“Guess it’s over.”

They hop down to a re-masked Araya whose shoulders sink low enough that they project enough shame to last a whole month. If Shikadai hadn’t been there, maybe this fight would have turned out different. Shikadai feels a spark of pity for the other, wanting to reassure him that he did well despite what it may seem. In fact, he’s ready to say something, but Shinki’s hard look stops him in his tracks.

“Let’s stop here for now,” Shinki says coldly. “We’ll continue after we eat.”

“Yes,” Araya mutters, dejected.

* * *

Shikadai trails behind the group as they walk to the cafeteria. There’s more Suna shinobi around than he thought. With everyone speaking loudly and bustling around as they get their food. Some of the smaller students chase each other with glee. It’s chaotic to see.

Still, it’s a different change of pace that he desperately needed.

Shikadai can finally gather his thoughts calmly without feeling like he’s drowning in them. Just thinking about facing Boruto was stressful at best. He was blowing this whole thing up. It didn’t matter what he felt. Shikadai would just have to work harder to stop those feelings from growing. 

To kill it in its bud. 

Maybe by the time he goes back to Konoha, his feelings would subside enough that he can go back to being friends without his heart pounding like he was going to have a heart attack.

Without wanting to stretch his fingers with longing for something he can’t have.

Maybe this useless hope would end.

Maybe…

The distance between them would kill it.

And it could be forgotten.

(What a depressing thought.)

By the time, they gather their food. More people come to the cafeteria. The amount is surprising compared to Konoha where they actually have low numbers of shinobi. It seemed like Suna actually had an influx. Even then, wouldn’t they be dispatched onto missions?

Even with the increased number of people, they still manage to find a decent spot hidden away in the corner where they can sit down at. Shikadai takes his seat across from Shinki and Araya. While Yodo plops down besides him, giving her bubblegum one last pop before wrapping it with a piece of napkin. They start digging into their meals except Araya who shifts in his seat as if he were uncomfortable. Shikadai glances at Yodo questioningly. _Is something wrong?_ Shinki seems to ignore Araya’s nervousness and continues chewing.

_Maybe he’s not hungry? But why else would he have a plate?_

Shikadai frowns. Maybe there was something-

“Eat,” Shinki says abruptly. 

If it weren’t for Araya suddenly freezing, Shikadai would’ve thought it had been meant for him. It only takes a couple of more minutes of them eating for Araya to finally take off his mask. _Ah so that’s what it was. How could I forget._ Up close now, Shikadai can see the warm grey eyes that seem to make up the rest of his face and the scars that carve up his face from the neck up. It surprises him still. _It looks painful_. Araya notices him staring and looks down flustered.

“It doesn’t loo-look good, huh?” Araya stumbles over his words.

Shikadai almost wants to hit himself across his head. That was so insensitive of him. To stare so blatantly like that. There was a reason why Araya didn’t go around walking without a mask. 

And yet he stared like that despite knowing that.

_You really are messing things up on your second day, huh?_

“Ah! Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare really.” The food in Shikadai’s stomach settles heavily.

Araya shoulders draw themselves more into himself, eyes looking down at the uneaten food. Shikadai brows furrow. _Dammit. What should I say?_

“Ara-” Shikadai trails to a stop. 

_You can’t even fix things with Boruto without running away. What makes you think speaking to Araya will be any different?_ That depressing thought crosses his mind immediately halting his ability to speak further. He really doesn’t know what to say to make this any better.  
  


Shinki stares at the both of them before sternly saying, “There’s nothing wrong with your face. It shows your bravery, Araya."

Shinki looks down, eyebrows furrowing in thought. He raises his head and looks straight into Araya's eyes unwaveringly. "You look fine. And if others can't see it then I'll deal with it.”

A light pink dusts across Araya’s cheeks faintly.

“I-I-I see.” Araya smiles softly to himself, looking much happier than before.

Shinki goes back to eating. Shikadai stares at Araya quietly for a moment and looks away. _Ah. I see._

“So how’s Konoha?” Yodo says stabbing at her food. The awkward air totally being ignored by her. A great ability Shikadai wishes he could have at this moment. Her eyes shine with curiosity. “Any new groups trying to take it down?”

Shikadai grimaces remembering the strange vase and what it might mean in the future. He really hopes Lady Uria and Toris aren’t some bad guys that plan to use the vase’s chakra absorption. (That is if they even knew what it could be used for.)

“No,” he says after a beat. “Everything is fine at home.”

“Hmmmn,” she smacks her lips. “That’s a shame.”

Shikadai looks at her incredulous. “You want Konohagakure to be attacked?”

“No, no,” she waves her hand dismissively. “Don’t be dumb. It’s just so boring here. At most, we just deal with bandits. Not really a struggle when it comes down to it. You know before, Suna shinobi used to deal with soooo many threats. It was craaazy!”

Shikadai digs at his food a bit more forcibly. “Have you had any S rank missions? At this point, you should have. Besides, it’s not like there aren’t any threats around.”

He really doesn’t want to remember the last time he had an S rank mission. Heck, he doesn’t even consider this last mission an S-rank mission with how smooth it went. Replacing a vase wasn’t really S rank material the more he thought about it these days. Did Moegi sensei lie about the ranking? Was it for them to gain their confidence again?

“Hmm,” Yodo hums. “We don't get too many of them and when we do, they're a bit too easy. What do you think, Shinki? Shouldn't we be taking more?”

Shinki stares down at Shikadai briefly and Shikadai feels like a deer caught in a trap. Not everyone knew what had happened to his team. It was worse that out of everyone in his family that knew about that mission that Shinki had been the first to call him to tell him to get stronger. It had made him angry of course, but it was exactly what Shikadai needed to snap himself out of his daze of sitting around in his room. It’s that same searching look that makes him think that Shinki just never bothered to tell his team.

And Shikadai feels grateful at that. At least, when he interacts with Shinki’s teammates they won’t look at him with pity.

“There’s no need to hurry,” Shinki responds. “I would rather let things happen naturally without rushing into it.”

Yodo looks a little disappointed. “If that’s what you want Shinki, then I guess so.”

Shikadai stifles his grimace. It’s not like he can blame Yodo for wanting some action. Whilst for him, he was fine with not having anything to do. Although, it’s probably not something the future Head of a clan should be thinking of. He continues chewing his food. He’s almost done with it already since he hadn’t put too much on his plate due to not being hungry. He doesn't think he can stomach any more food.

_It doesn’t matter. Having everyone live peacefully is better than being dead_.

“Okay then if Konoha isn’t being attacked then what is happening over there?” Yodo asks. She rests her chin on the palms of her hands.

“Nothing much. Everyone is just going out doing their missions. And if there’s any free time, we all hang out to eat.” Shikadai smiles wistfully. “Boruto likes to drag anyone that’s free. So everyone just naturally heads over there now.”

“So you guys just eat? No going on any random escapades?”

Shikadai laughs. “Well if Boruto gets an urge then yeah. I mostly follow after him to make sure he doesn't cause too much trouble. Though most of the time we just go out to eat. But there’s times where he just tries to beat me on Ninja X cards.”

Shikadai smiles to himself. He likes those moments the most where he gets to relax without any worries. Nothing to clog his mind. Not worrying about his clan or missions. Just hanging out with his friends. Especially his best friend. 

_Best friend._

His smile slowly disappears. 

His best friend who will most likely act differently around him now. To think that those precious moments he holds dear might be ruined because of a confession. He bites his lip in worry. 

He doesn’t want anything to change.

(But he does. He really does. If by any chance… Just one chance…)

“So basically Boruto does all the action?”

Shikadai laughs. “Well, action tends to follow him the most. Sometimes I blink and he’s off already planning something. Last time we spent almost a week trying to catch this fish. It was a mess, but it was really fun. Actually, you should go with us fishing. It’s a lot of fun. I don’t imagine you guys get to fish a lot around here.”

“F-Fishing seems fun,” Araya murmurs to himself.

“Next time we visit,” Shinki agrees, glancing at Araya who looks down smiling faintly.

Shikadai grins. “Boruto will be happy to hear that.”

Actually, Boruto would be thrilled. He’s still trying to get Shinki to hang out with him after they got over their disagreement from the very first chunin exam. It made Shikadai a little jealous, but he's mostly amused whenever Boruto takes off the phone from his hand to have a typically one sided conversation with Shinki.

Shinki grimaces at that which makes him grin even harder as he goes to take another bite of his food.

“What? So no one is going out with each other? All you do is just hang out and that’s it?” Yodo interrupts, looking disappointed.

Shikadai looks at her startled, almost choking on his food.

“W-Wha-What--”

“You don’t have anyone you like then? No one the great Nara genius is interested in?”

“I-I-” He punches his chest to get the food stuck out of his throat. “W-Wha-What brings this on?”

Yodo shrugs and offers as an explanation. “We’re all at that age.” 

Shikadai purses his lips. While that was true, he hadn’t thought Yodo would be the type to think about those things. Usually Cho-Cho initiated all the love talks since she liked to daydream a lot. And he knows how to maneuver around those. Seeing Yodo talk about crushes was something he never thought he would ever see.

She eyes him. “Actually, maybe not. You don’t seem like the type to get interested in someone like that.”

Shikadai looks at her baffled. “What makes you think that?”

“Y-Yod-” Araya stutters, uncomfortable as he finally steps into the conversation. Shinki pays them no mind, only continuing to eat.

“I just think you wouldn’t bother. Aren’t all Naras like that? Don’t you guys get bored easily? Move on easily?”

”....” Shikadai is stunned. 

_Move on easily?_

Shikadai was exactly in this whole mess because he couldn’t do that! Who was he kidding? If he could've stopped his crush before it even became a crush then he wouldn’t even be in this situation!

“Do I really give off the impression that I would do that?” Shikadai responds without thinking.

“What? So you’ll even get interested in the trivial stuff too in a relationship? I don’t know Shikadai. You seem like a level headed person. If the relationship doesn’t benefit you, wouldn’t you just break it off?”

“I don’t know how you formed those opinions about me, but I’m not like that. I do find myself interested in what they like. Even if it’s not my hobby or interest. If they like it then I like it too. It’s not that hard especially if you love them.” Shikadai says heated. "And why would I go into a relationship for benefits? That's just bothersome."

_What am I even saying? Especially here . . ._

“Oh?” Yodo sits up, curiosity sparked.

Shikadai almost curses to himself. He hadn’t meant to imply that he currently had a crush on someone.

“You like someone?” Yodo smiles widely. She looks like Cho-Cho whenever she feels like she’s caught someone doing something they didn’t mean for anyone else to see. 

_Did she just try to trick me to confess a crush?_

Shikadai can feel the non existent sweat on his face trickle down.

“N-No,” he hesitates. “I don’t.”

Yodo stares at him unconvinced. “That’s the worst lie I’ve ever heard. But fine. Then what about Boruto since you seem to hang out with him so much? Isn’t he going out with Sarada? I bet you they’ve already kis-”

The unbidden image rises in his head before he can stop it. And it stabs his heart.

“Boruto,” he starts, lips thinning downwards. Pain tinges his heart. And his voice wavers unintentionally, “I don’t know if he likes someone. So don’t ask me that. And about Sarada, I don’t know either.”

_Don’t think about it._

Yodo stares at him thoughtfully. She taps her fingers against the table. “You-”

“I am done eating.” Shinki announces, standing up. The sand shifts flowingly on his shoulders much like water. It leaves Shikadai looking at him in awe that not a single speck had fallen down even while they had been eating.

Shinki looks pointedly at Yodo who gives out an annoyed sigh and shakes her head to herself. She doesn't try to continue speaking to Shikadai.

_Oh thank god. This conversation is the worst._

“I’ll take yours Shikadai if you’re done," Shinki nods towards his tray. "After this, let’s go back to the training grounds. You might want to get some practice of your own while you’re here.”

Shikadai nods. His face neutral despite feeling like he's run a marathon. Internally, he heaves a huge sigh of relief. No more crush talk. Still, where does Yodo even come up with all this stuff? Does he really give off such an uncaring impression? That is a little depressing. Even then, why was she so intent on grilling him?

Was she really so bored out of her mind?

“Okay.” He hands over his tray to his cousin.

“Yodo, help me.” Shinki commands. Yodo looks a little displeased at her fun being interrupted. Regardless, she picks up Araya’s tray that was pushed towards her. Araya had only finished half of it and was apparently just as eager to go as soon as Shinki had said he was done eating.

Shinki and Yodo leave them behind. Leaving the two of them to sit in silence. Shikadai looks down at the table. _This is awkward, but Araya probably hates this even more._ He takes a deep breath. _Apologize properly. You didn’t mean to stare rudely. He’ll understand._ He wishes he had gotten closer to the others beside Shinki. But since Shinki was family, Shikadai had put a bit more effort to have that relationship with his cousin that his mom and Uncle wanted. But maybe it wouldn’t have hurt if he talked to his cousin’s teammates as well whenever he came to Suna.

_It’s too late for that now._

Shikadai looks up and opens his mouth only to falter. Araya fidgets in his chair as he looks away in the direction Shinki had left. Araya hadn’t even put on his mask yet.

“Ara-”

“You like him, don’t you?”

Shikadai looks at him confused. _Wha-? What’s he talking about? Is he talking about Sh-_

“Boruto.” Araya replies quietly. His eyes stare down at his lap before looking up. Eyes completely serious. “You like him like **_that_ ** don’t you?”

Shikadai looks at him surprised. _He can’t mean- There’s no way he figured it out that-_

Shikadai swallows. “Ho-?”

“Don’t worry. I won’t say anything. I know what it feels like.” Araya says softly. “I could tell.”

Shikadai follows his gaze to Shinki’s retreating back

The unsaid words of ‘I’m the same’ echoes between them in a lonely beat. 

Shikadai bites his lip. 

He didn’t think he would get figured out by Araya no less. To deny it would be so easy. He could keep running from it even here. It would be easy to say no.

To lie.

_Again_.

But he was tired.

He was so tired of running.

He had gone away from Konoha on a mission due to fear of getting rejected. He had run to Suna to keep avoiding it.

When he went to bed, he thought of Boruto. When he woke up, he thought of Boruto.

Boruto was so ingrained in his past and present and if he could keep it that way . . future. He wants to be a part of Boruto’s future. Even if it was some wishful thinking, he wants to be there. But these feelings are squeezing him constantly. Reminding him that he can’t do that so easily. 

And it hurts. 

It would be best to keep it secret. To keep it buried deep inside him for no one else to know until he can kill it himself.

And yet, he’s . . . tired.

“Yeah,” Shikadai feels the words choking him. This is the first time he’s ever admitted this to anyone. But with Araya who is in a similar position as him. He can’t really deny it. He doesn’t want to deny it.

(Would it hurt to be honest for once?)

“I like Boruto.”

Shikadai trains his eyes to the ground. Taking in the sight of the stray sand that managed to sneak itself into the cafeteria cracks on the floor. His breath comes out rattily and it hurts to breathe. Maybe this is just another rash decision of running his mouth without thinking. To be rejected even by a stranger wasn't something he hadn’t even thought of. _This is a horrible idea. Why did I do this?_ He feels a hand pressing his forearm softly. _I shouldn’t have._ The pressure on his forearm increases. _Look up, look up. Just get it over with. You coward._ Taking a shaky breath, Shikadai looks up to see Araya, still without his mask, smiling at him. 

Smiling with warmth in his grey eyes.

Like there’s absolutely nothing wrong with him. Like there was nothing wrong for liking his best friend.

The heavy weight settled in his chest feels like it's suddenly been lifted.

It’s a relief.

He takes another breath, freer than before. “I like-”

“Araya! Shikadai!” They both jump in their seats from surprise and turn nervously towards the sound.

It’s Yodo, only a few feet away, walking towards them. Shikadai’s heart races a little faster. Since when was she there? It’s only a couple feet away, but it’s enough for Shikadai to suspect that she might’ve heard something. And what’s worse, Shinki is besides her with an unreadable expression. 

“We received a notice,” she says walking towards them. “We might get dispatched.”

“I-I-I see,” Araya stutters, still surprised.

“Shikadai, you might have to wait at home. I don't know how long we will take,” Shinki says eyes shifting between them before lingering on the hand resting on Shikadai’s arm. “We can train tomorrow.”

“That’s fine,” Shikadai responds, his stomach churning. _They couldn’t have heard right?_ “I-Uh, yeah. I’ll see you later.”

Araya glances at Shikadai with an apologetic look on his face before letting go of his arm and standing up from his seat. Shinki gives them one final glance, eyes shifting between the two of them. His eyebrows are still scrunched up before giving a brief nod towards Shikadai. _There's no way he heard right?_ Shikadai waves goodbye. _I really hope they didn't hear._ But what was he doing to do if they did? He doesn't even want to start thinking about that. Shinki turns around and walks towards the exit. Yodo doesn't pay them any mind only waving towards Shikadai before following Shinki.

Araya remains staring at Shikadai hesitantly, shifting from foot to foot. Shikadai wishes they hadn't been interrupted. _I want to talk more._

“C’mon Araya, the Kazekage is calling for us.” Yodo calls out behind her.

Araya presses his lips together and nods a final goodbye towards Shikadai before racing after Yodo and Shinki. Araya readjusts his mask back on his face and soon they are gone. Leaving Shikadai alone once again.

_Maybe they didn’t hear. Maybe_ , he repeats inside his head like a mantra. 

Nothing is going to go wrong. 

  
_Tomorrow_ , Shikadai thinks as he rubs his shaking hands. Tomorrow, he’ll talk to Shinki no matter what it takes. _I'll be honest this time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! It's been a long while ha ha! I didn't mean to take this long to update, but life really has a way of getting in the way. ;; Updates will be a bit slower ahh ;; Sorry about that! Anyway! Thank you so much everyone for commenting and reading and leaving kudos!!! I really appreciate every single one!! I may respond late to some comments, but I truly do read them all and love them so much!! Also I can't believe this fic has gotten over 1000 hits and past 80 kudos ;;; I feel so happy that so many are reading this little whim of mine. Thank you so much!!! I never expected any one else to love this pairing so it makes me so happy that you do!!
> 
> This chapter took a long time to get out. Sorry about that. ;; The next chapter will still be set in Suna and I am pretty excited for that one. More misunderstandings ahead lmao. I tried to keep this short, but it ended up longer than I expected. Anyway, a lot of stuff happened in this chapter. So I'm actually happy I changed the stuff I did since the earlier draft of this was way different. In any case, I hope you guys enjoyed!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! For your comments and Kudos!! Thank you so much!! Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ


End file.
